The Town
 The Pirate Ship
 The Island
 The Valley of Doom
Note: This walk-thru attempts to follow the storyline when at all possible, although a better feel for the game can be had by generally TALKing to more people about different things. There is probably a "faster" way through the game...of course, if all you're trying to do is finish the game quickly, why are you really playing it?
The following word conventions are used to represent the icons on the bottom of the playing screen. MOVE = Simon moving two arrows OPEN = Box opening/closing LOOK = Magnifying glass TAKE = Magnet picking up nail TALK = Mouth USE = Hammer hitting nail WEAR = Top hat GIVE = Present You can press F5 at any time to skip through a long cut-scene, or press F10 to highlight all "usable" objects on the current screen.


Go back into Calypso's shop. TAKE the baseball bat and the dye. Leave the shop. Go to the castle. Ask the guards how much a dollar is worth. Leave the castle. Go to the 3 Bear's Cottage. OPEN the letterbox and TAKE the letter. Go to the Street of Traders. TALK to the dwarf ironmonger. After he is done talking, TALK to him again. Ask him how the ironmongering trade is doing. Offer to help him with his money problem: there are 15 dollars in a Gold Sovereign, 16 groats in a dollar, and 3 Gold Sovereigns in a Royal Crest. The ironmonger will give you a crowbar. Go down the stairs to the pet shop. After chatting with the owner, try to TAKE the electric turtle. After getting zapped, leave the pet shop and go left to the joke shop. TAKE the joke book, LOOK at the Stinko Kit sign, and TALK to the Joke Seller. After getting squirted, leave the joke shop. Leave the Street of Traders. Go to the Loan Office. GIVE the joke book to the Jester; he'll give you a bladder in return for cheering him up. USE the crowbar on the drain cover. Walk into the sewers, and try to go left. A large spider will come out and scare you back out of the sewers. Go into the Sunshine Loan Company. TALK to the secretary. After picking one of the loans (doesn't matter which), OPEN the door to the manager's office. While the manager is looking for the proper form, USE the letter from the 3 Bear's Cottage on the in-tray. Leave the Sunshine Loan Co (The 3 Bear's Cottage will be promptly bombed). Go to the 3 Bear's Cottage. Walk into the house. Walk to the right, into the kitchen. TAKE the rubber gloves. MOVE the tap to turn it off. The Three Bears wil come home and an animation sequence will ensue. You will be "teleported" to the Fountain area. Go to the left and leave the Fountain area. Go to the Docks. Whichever side of the dock you pick, walk to the right and TALK to Um Bongo. He'll eventually tell you that he is missing his dancers. Walk to the left of the dock and TALK to Goldilocks. Ask her why she is hiding behind the crates, then tell her you'll be back. USE the crowbar on the crate. After she climbs in, TAKE the wig and the rubber dinghy. Leave the docks. Go back to the 3 Bear's Cottage and walk into the house. After talking with the Papa Bear, GIVE him the wig to help with his forensic search. He'll thank you, and Mama Bear will give you some porridge as a reward. Leave the house. Go to the Town Square. TALK to the Accordion Player. One of the Morris dancers will break his stick. GIVE the baseball bat to the Accordion Player; he'll get K.O.'ed by a butterfingered dancer. Leave the Town Square. Go to the Tatooist. MOVE the ladder. Climb up to the door and OPEN it and go into the Insane Society. TALK to the Frying Pan man; The Fish Man will give you a note book since the Frying Pan Man has taken a vow of "deafness". USE the note book on the Frying Pan Man and ask him about how to join. He'll tell you there is an opening for a porridge wearer. Tell him you'll go get some porridge. WEAR the porridge you got from the 3 Bear's Cottage. The Frying Pan Man will give you a junk bag. After leaving the Insane Society, OPEN the junk bag to get a 100 dollars, a bungee rope and a wedge. Leave the Tattooist area and go to MucSwampling's. TALK to the mascot and get a balloon and a discount voucher. Go to the left side of the screen and LOOK at the dustbin there. You'll find a fishing rod. Go back to the right of the screen and go into MucSwampy's. TALK to the Tattooist and TALK to the Anorak Man. TALK to the waiter and order a kiddie meal. OPEN the kiddie meal to find a Swampling model, swamp gum and a maggot. Leave MucSwampy's and go to the Street of Traders. TAKE the poster you see there, then go back down into the pet shop. USE the rubber gloves on the turtle to pick him up. USE the electric turtle on the cage to the right of the machine. Make sure the red lever on the machine is to left hand side of the machine, then USE the machine. The electric turtle will be split into electric eels and a normal turtle. TAKE the turtle from the left hand cage. TAKE the glow worms off the shelf. USE the glow worms on the empty cage next to the eels. Move the lever on the machine to the right hand side, then USE the machine again to make some supercharged glow worms. The owner will thank you and you will leave the store. Go to the joke shop. The Joke Seller will trick you again, but this time stay and TALK to him. Ask him if he can make you a Swampling costume. He will tell you that he needs some green material. Leave the joke shop and go right and TALK to Nefahpayup. Agree to his proposition to help him out, and he will show you to a cave where a magic lamp is. Walk to the right and TAKE the lamps. Eventually, you'll find the right one. Walk back to the left and TALK to the cave entrance to have a ladder let down for you. Walk up the ladder to exit the cave. Nefahpayup will give you some white cloth as a reward. Walk to the left and USE the balloon on railing near the ironmonger. Leave the Street of Traders and go the Fountain. USE the dye on the fountain. USE the white cloth on the basket. Leave the Fountain area and go to MucSwampling's. TALK to the mascot again and ask for another balloon. Leave MucSwampling's and go back to the Fountain area and your cloth will be clean and green. TAKE the green cloth and leave the Fountain area. Go to the Street of Traders. USE the second balloon on the railing. Go the joke shop and GIVE the green cloth to the Joke Seller. He will make you a Swampling costume. Leave the shop, and leave the Street of Traders. Go back to MucSwampling's. TALK to the mascot and ask for yet another balloon (DON'T TIE THIS TO THE RAILING YET!). Go into MucSwampy's, WEAR the Swampling costume to disguise yourself as an employee and you will walk up the staircase next to the waiter. After you appear in the kitchen, keep going up the stairs to your left to the Swampling's office. Chat with the Swampling and ask him to make some Swamp Stew. He'll tell you he needs some swamp mud for the recipe and he'll give you a bucket to collect some in. Leave the office, exit the kitchen and leave MucSwampling's. Go to the Docks. Find Um Bongo and GIVE him the poster you took from the Street of Traders. He'll head off to start training the Morris dancers. Go to the Town Square. TALK to Um Bongo again. He'll tell you his drum was broken in transit and he needs a new skin for it. You'll give him the bladder you got from the Jester and his troupe will whip up a massive rainstorm (that conveniently flushes that spider out of the sewer!). Go to the Loan Office. Climb down into the sewers (the spider will be gone) and head to the left. You'll stop right before the light disappears. USE the glow worms and you'll hook up a light source. Walk to the left and go up the ladder to the swamp. Walk to the right and up onto the broken bridge. USE the bungee rope on the railing, then USE the bucket on the mud below to collect a bucket o' mud. Leave the bungee cord on the railing and go back to the left of the sewer grating. USE your fishing rod on the lake and you'll eventually catch a fish. Walk to the right and go back down into the sewers. Walk to the right and go back up the ladder to the Loan Office area. Leave the Loan Office area and go to MucSwampling's. Enter MucSwamplings, WEAR the Swampling costume and walk up the staircase by the waiter. Keep going up the stairs to the Swampling and GIVE him the bucket of mud. He will make some powerful Swamp Stew and will give you a souvenir jar of it. Leave the Swampling's office, leave the kitchen and leave MucSwamplings. Go to the Street of Traders. Go to the Joke Shop and GIVE the Swamp Stew to the Joke Seller. He'll make you a free stink bomb. Leave the Joke Shop, leave the Street of Traders and go to the Magic Competition. TALK to the clerk and enter the competition then walk into the tent. USE the stink bomb to clear away almost all of the competition. After you recover, re-enter the tent. One wizard will be left (he had a cold). After chatting with him, TAKE the spell book and USE your swamp shake on the one remaining wizard (to make him completely deaf). You'll be summoned as the only competitor and you'll (evenetually) be given the job as Royal Wizard and an ID card to prove it. Leave the Magic Competition and go to the Castle. When the guards ask for their money, give it to them. Walk up the door and after presenting your official ID, you'll be admitted to the castle. After chatting with the annoying little price, open the door to the castle and go in. Walk to the left, past the two doors and you'll enter the King's throne room. The king will inform you that your job is to make the crying baby in the castle go to sleep. Go to the left of the throne room and USE the fish you caught to the Royal Seal (ugh...) to tempt him into your hat. Leave the throne room, and OPEN the door on the right and go in. A baby will be crying; this is the one you're trying to get to go to sleep. USE your wedge on the cradle to stop it rocking, then TAKE the cog from the gear system. The baby will still cry, but go back out into the courtyard and leave the castle. Go to MucSwampling's. Enter MucSwampling's, WEAR the Swampling costume again, and go up the first staircase. USE the cog you just got on the clock mechanism to get the clock moving again. Go back out of MucSwampling's and go to the Tattooist. Enter the Tattooist's shop (he's back from lunch now) and inquire about getting a tattoo. After finding out that they cost far too much, you'll leave the shop after picking up a brochure. Return to MucSwampling's and GIVE the tattoo brochure to the Anorak Man. Leave MucSwampling's and return to the Tattooist. Walk in the shop and he'll inform you that you have won a free tattoo. Get the tattoo of the jewel-encrusted swords. Leave the shop and go to the Swamp. Go the far left of the Swamp area and a Lady of the Lake will appear. While talking to her, ask her if you can become a Lady of the Lake. She'll agree after seeing the Royal Seal, and she'll drop her air tanks and wet suit before leaving. TAKE the air tanks and the wet suit. USE the air tanks on the rubber dinghy to inflate it. USE the now-inflated rubber dinghy to paddle over to the Isle of the Sword. After reaching the island, TAKE the sword out of the rock (the tattoo made you "man" enough to do it). USE the rubber dinghy again to paddle back to the swamp, then go back down through the sewers to the Loan Office area. Leave the Loan Office area and return to the Castle. Enter the castle courtyard and GIVE the prince the sword. He'll give you his pea-shooter and a pea in exchange. Enter the main castle and OPEN the door on the left. USE the pea on the matresses to wake up the princess. Ask her for suggestions on how to stop the baby crying; she'll throw you a lolly. TAKE the lolly. The baby won't accept the lolly (try it if you like: it'll throw it down into the courtyard), so leave the princess' room, leave the courtyard and exit the castle. Go the MucSwampling's. Enter MucSwamplings, WEAR the Swampling costume again, and go up both staircases to Swampling's office. GIVE the lolly to the Baby Swamplings and they will drop their milk, which you will pick up. Leave MucSwampling's and return to the castle. Enter the baby's room and GIVE the milk to the baby to make it go to sleep. Leave the baby's room and go left into the throne room. Enter the door to the treasury by the King. After climbing the staircase, USE the swamp shake on the pentagram. Walk towards the treasury door and two demons will appear and be trapped by the swamp shake. Unfortunately, they also block the entrance into the treasury; time to find an alternate entrance. Leave the castle and go to Street of Traders. USE your third balloon on the railing and you'll lift off and end up in the royal treasure room. Walk towards the sarcophogus, and you'll fall through a trap door into the treasure vault. TAKE the Mucusade. Go back up the tube you just fell through, and walk back out the window to the awaiting balloons. After falling unexpectedly to the ground, go to Calypso's...or what WAS Calypso''ll be beaten up and dragged off to a pirate ship.


After the captain's lecture, USE your spell book to break your chains. TAKE the eye patch off the skull next to "Mr T.". Try to climb up the stairs and the captain will stop you and eventually "enlist" you as his cabin boy. You'll be brought up to his cabin and he will eventually leave. TAKE a stuffed parrot. LOOK at his diary and you'll find a picture postcard of Kalimari. Leave the captain's room. GIVE the eye-patch to the pirate with the purple shirt pulling in rope. He'll give you a pair of sunglasses in return. Climb up the ladder to the right onto the poop-deck. USE the stuffed parrot on the real parrot to swap them. After the pirate questions the swap, USE the swamp gum on the stuffed parrot to hold him in place. Leave the poop-deck and you'll decide to sleep until you reach home. A cut-scene will appear depicting the fate of Calypso and his granddaughter Alix. After waking up, you will realize that you're still at sea. Climb back onto the poop-deck and TALK to the Bosun. He'll inform that the lookout corrected your attempt at re-directing the ship. Leave the poop-deck and go to the left of the pirate ship. USE the rigging to climb to the crow's nest. USE the picture postcard on the telescope. Climb down the rigging and go back to the poop-deck. MOVE the parrot so that it's facing back towards the Bosun. Leave the poop- deck. Go to the far left of the pirate ship. OPEN the door. TALK to the tough looking guy (Mr. T.) and ask him for a welding torch. Leave the cell, and walk behind the pirate who is repairing the plank. MOVE him off the ship. TAKE the hammer, nails and plank. Go to the right hand side of the pirate ship, OPEN the door to the right (closest to the screen) and go in. TAKE the knife. USE the knife on the hammock. TAKE the tinder-box. Leave the room and try to USE the welding torch on the chain. The captain will appear and tell you not to do it. After the captain leaves, try to use the torch on the chain again. The captain will re-appear and ask you where the first mate is, then disappear into the sleeping quarters. USE the plank on the door to the sleeping quarters to lock the captain in. Now, USE the welding torch on the chain to cut it. OPEN the door and climb down. TAKE the Mucusade. Go back up the ladder and you'll head down for another nap. After waking up you'll realize you're under attack. You'll end up on a remote island with no inventory.


TAKE the shovel head. Go the the right and after chatting with the Beachcomber TAKE his towel. Go into the jungle. GIVE the kid the balloon and he'll repay you with a shell. TAKE the wooden pole. USE the wooden pole on the shovel head to make a shovel. Go back to the beach. USE the shovel. Simon will make a monster sandcastle and leave a large hole in the process. USE the towel on the hole. USE the shell on the towel. TALK to the Beachcomber and he'll walk right into the trap. After he falls down the hole, TAKE the Mucusade. Go back into the Jungle. Take the upper path to the left towards the dog. TAKE the dog. Enter the cafe and TALK to the waitress. Order a cup of decaf coffee. You'll fall asleep and a cut-scene will ensue. After waking up, order another cup of decaf (this time, its to-go). Leave the cafe and walk to the right into the cave. Try to TAKE the whiskey bottle and a genie will appear. Ask him for three wishes, then ask him to be teleported to Calypso's shop. He'll screw up and teleport you to an alien ship, then back again; he'll explain that his problem is that he needs to counter the effects of the whiskey on his system. What he needs is strong, caffeinated coffee. Leave the cave, and take the lower, left hand path. TALK to the dealer; you'll have to talk jive to him, then ask him for salmon. He'll offer you caffeine tablets...for a cost of 3 Gungas a piece. TAKE the dog whistle. Take the upper left hand path to the man who is being tortured. Go left to the generator. USE the dog on the generator. Go back to the right to the torture machine. MOVE the lever to the on position. Go back to the right to the dealer, then take the lower left hand path to the limbo competition. Talk to the Judge, and enter the competition. USE the dog whistle to divert the judges (they'll hear the screams of the tortured man) and you'll win the 3 Gungas. Go back to the right to the dealer. TALK to him to get the caffeine tablets. USE the tablets on the decaf coffee. Go back to the right to the cave where the genie is. USE the coffee on the whiskey bottle. Try to TAKE the whiskey bottle to summon the genie again. Ask him again to teleport you to Calypso's shop and this time he'll teleport you correctly. Walk into Calypso's shop. After a LONG cut-scene, you'll end up in the Valley of Doom, in a prison cell in Sordid's Tower.


Try to OPEN the door. Alix will give you a hairclip to pick the lock with. After opening the door, you'll be teleported (via a time stick) to the outside of a goblin camp. Go to the right, then go to the Dark Woods. You'll meet the little kid there, and he'll tell you he's hungry. Go to the right and TALK to the woodworms. After a long discussion with them, go to the far right of the woods and enter the witch's cave. You'll step on a cat at the entranceway and the witches will talk to you. They're having problems making a potion because of their impediments: one can't talk, one can't hear and one can't see. Help them out, and you get some of the potion. Leave the cave and leave the Dark Woods. Go to the Secluded Hut. The witches cat is in here now; you'll need it for later. After you introduce yourself, OPEN the door (which in fact, closes it). This will trap the cat inside the hut. Walk towards the soda bottles, and the cat will panic, run and knock itself out. TAKE 3 soda bottles (you'll get a straw automatically), the hanky and the cat. OPEN the door, and leave the hut. Go to the Volcano Rim. TAKE the Chemical Sprayer and the Plant Spotter's Guide Book. USE the straw on one of the sodas to make an empty bottle. USE the cat on the carnivorous plant; it'll salivate at the sight of it. USE the empty bottle on the saliva to collect it. Leave the Volcano Rim and go to the Goblin's Camp. USE the saliva on the goblin's goblets, then try to walk past them. They'll wake up, get mad, drink the poisoned wine, and fall asleep. TAKE the conch horn. Walk into the camp. TALK to the Elf. Offer to help him get some replacement perfume; he'll give you a perfume bottle to fill up. USE a full soda bottle on the perfume bottle to fill it. Enter the big tent to the left of the Elf. TAKE the food rations and the pepper. Go back to the Elf. USE the pepper on the elf. GIVE him your hanky. GIVE him the now full perfume bottle (he can't smell the difference anymore). He'll reward you with a block of wood. Walk to the left of the camp where two goblins are playing dice. USE the last full soda bottle on the fire to create some blinding smoke. While the two goblins are blinded, TAKE some of the goblin stuff. The goblins will begin to fight and one will leave his lucky (loaded!) dice behind. TAKE the dice. Go back to the right and leave the goblin camp. Go to the Secluded Hut. TAKE two more soda bottles. Leave the Secluded Hut. Go to the Dark Woods. GIVE the kid the food rations. GIVE the kid the full soda bottle. TAKE the magnifier he drops. Go the the right and GIVE the block of wood to the woodworms. They'll make you a set of wooden teeth. Go to the far right of the woods and enter the witches cave. GIVE the witch with no teeth the wooden teeth, GIVE the deaf witch the conch horn and GIVE the magnifier to the blind witch. They'll whip up a potion to turn someone into a dog. After the potion is done, USE your straw on a soda to empty it, the USE the empty soda bottle on the potion to scoop some up. Leave the witches cave and leave the Dark Woods. Go to the Secluded Hut. USE the potion on the Role Players. A Role Player will turn into a beagle (which you'll automatically take). Ask if you can join in their game. When you have started playing, ask if they mind if you use your own dice. You'll roll two 12's and win a interior decorator's wallpaper catalogue. Leave the Secluded Hut. Go to the Goblin Camp, walk into the camp and walk all the way to the left of the camp, into the entrance to Sordid's Tower. TALK to the guard "pigs". Tell them you're here on important business, and they'll make you show them your wallpaper catalogue, at which point you'll be admitted to the Tower. TAKE the tapestry. Walk into the eerie passage; you'll meet the security "horror" guard for the tower. After leaving him, go into the stairwell to the left. USE the tapestry on the pool of sweat to absorb the smell of the goblins. USE the soaked tapestry on the Chemical Sprayer to fill it with goblin scent. MOVE the lever on the generator to turn out the lights. Leave the room and go back down the eerie passage to the guard. After you have entered the room with the horror, USE the Chemical Sprayer to mask your scent, WEAR the dog (I know...this one took FOREVER to figure out) to change the dog into fuzzy slippers, then WEAR the fuzzy slippers. The guard can't see, smell or hear you now so just walk across the room and out of the door. Walk across the lava channel to the other side, and you'll take an exciting ride up to Sordid's chambers. Walk to the right of the chambers and TAKE the screwdriver. USE the screwdriver on Sordid's Hand to remove it, then USE the Hand on the Palm Print Identifier. TAKE the time stick. Walk to the left as if you were going to exit the chamber, and Runt will run out to try and stop you. That's it! The final LONG end-scene follows so sit back and enjoy... T H E E N D Player's Notes:
In playing this game, I noticed a few obvious "bugs" in game play and a few wickedly nasty puzzles. For instance, if while on the Pirate Ship you decide to put the postcard on the telescope BEFORE talking to the helmsman about the parrot, you never seem to land anywhere...or at least there are no clues as what to do. Also, the "floating balloons to reach the treasury" was totally non-obvious (I think I tried EVERY combo of object in the game on those stuck demons to get past them....argh). The queen mother of annoying and non-hinted puzzles is the "change the dog into fuzzy slippers". Sick. And damn annoying since I spent about an hour trying to pry the shoes off of the treadmill goblin's feet. Otherwise, an awesome game (albeit the humor is slightly hard to follow from a North American point of view), cool cut- scenes and animations (the morphing Simon at the goblin camp was GREAT!) and a fairly decent storyline. Look for Simon the Sorceror III hopefully...

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