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                           ~ Conker's Bad Fur Day™ ~
              A Savage Journey to the Heart of the Vulgarian Dream
                              for the Nintendo 64
                         FAQ/Walkthrough by bananagirl
                              [email protected]
                            Final Version: 08/11/02

   This guide is ©2001-2002 bananagirl. All information contained within is
                          protected by copyright law.

This guide, like the game it's written for, is not intended for anyone under 
the age of 17. Bah, who am I kidding? Regardless, unless you're into potty 
humor and stuff like that, stay away from the game and this guide. Just a 
friendly warning.

                   .:*~*:.  { Table of Contents }  .:*~*:.

     1. Introduction
     2. Preliminary FAQ
          o Guide Questions
          o Game Questions
     3. General Information
          o Story
          o Characters
              } Conker
              } Berri
              } Birdy
              } The Fabled Panther King
              } The Beast of Poo Mountain
              } The Evil Tediz
              } The Grim Reaper (A.K.A. Gregg)
              } Franky the Pitchfork
          o Getting Started
          o Basics
              } Saved Game Slots
              } Options
              } Chapters
              } Context Zones
              } Cash
              } Dying
              } Living
              } Breathing
          o Controls
          o Special Moves
              } Climbing
              } Swimming
              } Jumping
              } Crawling
          o Weapons & Vehicles
              } Bouncin' Pitchforks
              } Jet Board
              } Raptor Riding
              } Turret Gun
              } Shot Gun
              } Batula
              } Machine Gun
              } The Tank
     4. Walkthrough
          o Hungover
              } Scaredy Birdy
              } Panhandled
              } Gargoyle
          o Windy
              } Mrs Bee
          o Barn Boys
              } Marvin
              } Mad Pitchfork
              } Sunny Days
              } Barry + Co
              } Buff You
              } Haybot Wars
              } Frying Tonight
              } Slam Dunk
          o Windy Again
              } Poo Cabin
              } Pruned
              } Yee Haa!
              } Sewage Sucks
              } Great Balls of Poo
          o Bats Tower
              } Mrs Catfish
              } Barry's Mate
              } Cogs' Revenge
              } The Combination
              } Blast Doors
              } Clang's Lair
              } Pisstastic
              } Brass Monkeys
              } Bullfish's Revenge
          o Sloprano
              } Corn Off the Cob
              } Sweet Melody
              } U-Bend Blues
              } The Bluff
          o Uga Buga
              } Drunken Gits
              } Sacrifice
              } Phlegm
              } Worship
              } Rock Solid
              } Bomb Run
              } Mugged
              } Raptor Food
              } Buga the Knut
          o Windy Yet Again
              } Wasps' Revenge
              } Mr Barrel
          o Spooky
              } Mr Death
              } Count Batula
              } Zombies
              } Mr Barrel
          o It's War
              } It's War
              } Power's Off
              } TNT
              } The Assault
              } Sole Survivor
              } Casualty Dept.
              } Saving Private Rodent
              } Chemical Warfare
              } The Tower
              } Little Girl
              } The Experiment
              } Countdown
              } Peace At Last!
          o Heist
              } The Windmill's Dead
              } Enter the Vertex
              } The Vault
              } End Cutscene
     5. Codes
     6. FAQ
     7. Revision History
     8. Copyright & Contact Info
     9. Credits/Thanks

                     .:*~*:.  { 1. Introduction }  .:*~*:.

Hiya, and welcome to my Conker's BFD guide. As I write this, I'm working on 
version 4.0. By the standard numbering system, it should really be something
more like 2.0, but the standard numbering system doesn't matter here. Anyway, 
version 3.0 first saw the light of the internet just over a year ago, and the
guide hasn't been updated since that fateful day.

I was given the opportunity to pass my guide along to somebody else, but the 
game's so much fun that I decided not to. Sorry. You're stuck with me. That
probably means I'll toss in a chapter or two now, then you won't see another 
update for a year. But there are plenty of other complete guides all over the
internet, so fear not. All is not lost.

Also, sorry about the Table of Contents being so freakishly long. It wasn't
really intentional; it just happened. I'll probably trim it down at some point
in the near future, but that's a relative term. Don't get your hopes up.

Moving on... Enjoy the guide. It'll be hard, but I have great confidence in 
your abilities. If you see something wrong, be it typo, factual error, or 
something else entirely, feel free to let me know via email. But if you want
to point out things like 'lotsa' and 'wanna' and stuff like that, bugger off. 
Someone once emailed me saying lotsa was two words (lot's [sic] and of). After 
having a little chuckle at the grammatical error in his correction, I deleted 
it. I know lotsa is two words (lots and of). I'm not quite as stupid as you 
like to think. Oh, and sorry about the giant table of contents. I'll cut it 
down somewhat at some point in the near future.

   - Bananagirl

                   .:*~*:.  { 2.  Preliminary FAQ }  .:*~*:.
                                Guide Questions

Q. Can I use this FAQ on my site? 
Sure. Let me know if you do, though. Just email me ([email protected]) and 
say something along the lines of, "Hey, I'm using your Conker FAQ on my site, 
[insert address here]. Just letting you know. Bye." Also, make sure you credit 
me wherever you put it. Otherwise, people might think you did it, and we 
wouldn't want that, would we? 

Q. Can I send something to help you out?
I used to be pretty mean about stuff like this, but if you want to send me
something, I'm open for it now. Just don't send me any partial walkthroughs and 
expect me to put them in here word-for-word. I'll be checking to make sure 
anything you send me is factual information before I slap it in here, so 
whatever ends up here will come from that experience. I'll credit you, though. 
Look for your name and email address at the top of whatever you submit, and 
also in the Credits/Thanks section. 

Q. Where/How can I find/do _____?
Well, if I know, it's in here. If I don't, you'll have to look elsewhere. Try 
checking somebody else's guide at http://www.gamefaqs.com. I've always had a 
high opinion of the work of CyricZ and Dallas, so you should check their 
guides first.

Q. Can I republish some of the information you've got here?
Drop me an email about this one. Tell me which information, where you're
putting it, and why you want to do it. If I decide to let you do it, give 
me full credit.

Q. Where the heck did you put _____?
If it's in here, you can probably find it by using the Find tool (Ctrl+F for
Windows; no idea what it is for Macs). Just type in a simple phrase, such as
'Pruned' or 'dung beetle' and do the whole find/find next thing until you find 
something relevant. 

Q. How much for the blonde with the whip?
$100 an hour, in advance. No freebies. Not even for your birthday. Believe me, 
she's worth every penny of it...

                                Game Questions

Q. Why does Conker's BFD have an ESRB rating of M?
Lotsa reasons. Profanity, sex jokes, blood, gore... The list goes on. Let's
just say it's not something you want to show to a six year old. I'm not quite 
sure I agree with the whole thing about having to be 17 in order to purchase 
it, but I suppose some parents just don't want their kids to be exposed to this 
sort of thing. And yet they still send these kids to public school...

Q. But it's a cute little squirrel!
It's immature potty humor. Y'know all those lame movies like 'Freddy Got 
Fingered' and 'American Pie' that your parents probably wouldn't like? It's 
like those, only not as stupid. I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, 
but it's still some strong stuff. Do you really want your innocent first-grader 
to know about fellatio at such a tender age? 

Q. What happened to Twelve Tails? That looked cute!
Change of plot. Potty humor is more fun than another Banjo-Kazooie clone, 
anyway. And we all know that that's the way it would turn out... 

Q. So what's BFD stand for?
Aside from Big Fur Day? Big Fucking Deal. Thanks to AstroBlue for pointing that 

                 .:*~*:.  { 3.  General Information }  .:*~*:.
Conker had mentally left the conversation. His mind wandered to thoughts of
his girlfriend Berri and why she had such a problem with him having fun
without her. As he sat contemplating giving her a call, he moved uncomfortably 
in his chair. His bladder ache had now reached the point where it couldn't be 

"Conker!" Came the cry from the group seated around the table, making Conker
jump. "It's your turn."

"Okay, okay. But first I've got to call Berri to let her know I'll be late."
He stood unsteadily, then just before staggering off, decided that maybe the
toilet was a more pressing issue.

The evening wore on, and the beer kept flowing. One round became another, and
then another, until Conker reached that awful moment of realization:

"Guys, guys. I think I've had too much." He paused for a moment, nearly
retching then and there. "I gotta go..."

At the next table a couple of pretty little chipmunks sniggered and whispered
something to each other as Conker tottered slightly, then nearly lost his
balance completely.

"I don't think he can hold his drink," he overhead the nearest one say.

"No, indeed," her sly-looking friend replied.

Conker toyed with the idea of vomiting on the both of them but decided that
perhaps it wasn't such a good idea with their boyfriends sitting opposite.
For some reason, they were dressed in combat fatigues and engaged in a most
heated debate...

"The war! The evil Teddy Bears have overrun the Grey Squirrels' homeland! We
signed up this morning, and you should do the same, Mr. Red Squirrel." At
this point, several grey squirrels around the alehouse leveled accusing
accusing gazes at Conker. "If you have any sense of decency and honor, that

"I think you just hit the nail on the head," Conker replied as he attempted
to stand once more. "I'm definitely going now. Good-bye!"

On the way out, two of his old school chums grabbed him by the arm, shouting,
"One more for the road, Conker?" And before he knew it...

"Slammers? Oh no, not slammers!" They were lined up in frong of him--eight in
total. Oh well, tomorrow was another day...


A feisty little red squirrel with some snazzy shoes, Conker is your main
character hereabouts. He likes to pee on things. Unfortunately, there are no
snow levels in the game. If there were, though, his bladder certainly holds
enough to write your name.

Conker's grey squirrel girlfriend reminds me of Jessica Rabbit from Roger
Rabbit. Anyone else? No? Oh well. She exercises a lot. She wears pink. 'Nuff
said for now. No need to reveal any more of the plot line.

Beardy's a great guy. He has a nice sign that says "Feck Off Birds" and he
likes to drink. Can't beat it, eh? He pops up every now and then to tell you
what to do. He might charge a small fee every now and then, but you'll get it

The Fabled Panther King
Hm... It's a big spooky panther guy that rules over the land. He's a nice 
widdle kitty, but his desire to drink milk without it spilling everywhere
leads him to do mean things, like antagonize Conker and terrorize the weasel

The Beast of Poo Mountain
The Beast is a giant, corn-eating Poo Monster. Ignore the Dogma method of 
dealing with these things; the only thing that will stop him is toilet paper.
Fortunately, Conker just so happens to have an unlimited supply of the stuff.

The Evil Tediz
Eek! Killer teddy bears! Run for your life! These guys are the henchmen of 
the Evil Panther King's top scientist. They're out to get you. These are fun
to kill, because instead of the usual blood that spills everywhere, they lose

The Grim Reaper (A.K.A. Gregg)
Someone's not important enough for the manual, apparently... Gregg tells you 
about Tails and stuff. There's really not much to say about him, so just laugh
at him. You'll only see him a few times in the game. You mostly just get  the 
occasional glimpse of his bony little hand when you kick the bucket.

Franky the Pitchfork
Another one of those neglected fellows. Franky's a living, hopping pitchfork.
If Conker jumps on him, he can bounce around, too. This gets to be very useful
during certain stages in the game.

                                Getting Started

Right. I shouldn't have to do this, but there are probably a few people out
there that haven't a clue what they're doing. So here goes.

The first thing you'll need to do is set up your TV. That shouldn't be too
hard, right? Riiiiiight. So set up your TV according to your instruction
manual, take the fork out of your electrical socket (if there isn't one in
there, don't worry--that's perfectly alright), and plug it in.

Now, set up your Nintendo 64, if you haven't already. Use the instruction
manual included with your system to do this. It's basically just plugging
things into the hole with the same shape and/or color. When that's done, take
the cartridge out of it's box. You can handle that, I think. When you've done
that, insert said cartridge, open side down and picture side forward, into
the Nintendo 64 cartridge slot. Yeah, that's the thing that's covered by grey

Now, make sure your controller is plugged in, and your Rumble Pak, or cheap
third party Rumble Pak wannabe, is popped into the back, with whatever
batteries it requires. You don't really need one of these, but it adds a nice
touch to the game. When your controller is ready, set it down somewhere, or
hold it. Either way, make sure the Control Stick (it's the round thing on a
stick in the middle that moves when you push on it) isn't tilted at all. If
your controller is 5 years old, like mine, and has taken a heavy beating from
Diddy Kong Racing or other such games, like mine, you might have to hold it
in place, as such controllers have a tendency to lean independently.

When that's taken care of, slowly reach over, and push the Power button
(that's the one on the left) on your Nintendo 64 into the "on" position. Now,
you're ready to play.

When the Title Screen shows up (it says "Conker's Bad Fur Day" on it in big
letters, and it has a snazzy cool image, and it tells you to press Start. It's
not hard to identify), after you've watched the little intro thing, or maybe if
you pressed Start during it, press the Start button. That would be the little
round red button in the middle of your controller (above the Control Stick).
Before you can actually play, you'll need to make a file to save your game in,
so let's move on to the basics of that.

Choose one of the three files available, and press the A button. It's blue. It
has the letter 'A' on it. Voila. Now you're playing. Congratulations.


Saved Game Slots
Nobody says it better than Rare, but I'll give it a shot. Basically, when you 
start a new game with one of the available slots, you can continue at the spot 
you left off at next time you want to play.

Sound: Use Mono if you have a mono TV, Stereo if you have a stereo TV, and Dolby 
  if you have it. Simple as that. I use stereo. Anyone out there know anything 
  about Dolby? I don't.

Cheats: Input one of the codes, or a nasty word, or something else entirely. A
  correct code will get you the approval of the Fire Dragon, an incorrect one
  a shake of the head. I'll leave it up to you to find out what he does if you 
  say something that made your mother feed you Ivory soap.

Once you do something, you can redo it over and over again in the chapters 
section. Which means you don't have to start new games every time you wanna 
replay a level. Very convenient.

Context Zones
Standing on one of those newfangled platform things embossed with a giant B
will net Conker some new abilities. Temporarily, anyway. If you stand on an
active pad, a lightbulb will pop up over Conker's head and you'll hear a ting!
sound. This also happens sometimes when he's not on a pad. It all depends on 
the situation, really. If you press B upon hearing the ting! or seeing the 
lightbulb, Conker will pull something out or be able to do something new. The 
first time you stand on a certain kind of pad, you'll be given instructions
from a manual Birdy sells. The rest of the time, you're on your own. You can
always review the manual by pressing L and B together, though. 

Throughout the game, Conker will pick up bundles of money. Sometimes it's used
to pay off somebody, but Conker almost always gets it back fairly soon. There's
not really very much to do with it, other than bribery and the occasional 
prostitute. Well, maybe just bribery...

It's relatively easy to die in Conker's BFD. If you run out of chocolate or 
air, or fall from somewhere really high off the ground, you're pushing up 
daisies. The first time Conker dies, you'll be taken to see Gregg. He'll 
explain the tail thing. But if you're out of tails and you die, it's Game Over 
for Conker. No big deal. Just go back to your saved game. You'll start right 
where you left off.

Getting hit will cause Conker to lose a bar of chocolate. You've got six of 
'em. If you want to stay alive, you'll want to replenish your health somehow.
There are pieces of Anti-Gravity Chocolate floating all over the world. Go 
pick one up, and you'll keep breathing.

For the first few areas of the game, Conker will be using water wings when he
swims. Eventually, he'll be able to take some Confidence Pills and he'll ditch
the wings. Now that nothing's holding him above the water, you can make him 
dive by pressing the B button. While underwater, a picture of Conker's face
acts as an air gauge. When he runs out of air, no more Conker.


                     L Button...............Skip cut scene
                     R Button..................Look Around
                     Start Button......Bring up Pause Menu
                     D-Pad......................No funtion
                     Control Stick..............Move/Crawl
                     C-Left..................Rotate Camera
                     C-Right.................Rotate Camera
                     C-Up...............Change Camera Zoom
                     C-Down.................Realign Camera
                     B Button.......................Attack
                     A Button.........................Jump
                     Z Button.................Crouch/Crawl

- Skip cut scene only works after you've viewed a scene once.

- Look Around to see your surroundings.

- The Pause Menu lets you quit if you want to

- No function does nothing. Strange, eh?

- Moving involves running, walking, or tiptoeing, dependend upon the pressure
  placed on the Control Stick

- Rotate Camera pretty much moves the camera back and forth.

- Change Camera Zoom moves the camera closer or farther away from Conker

- Realign Camera puts the camera behind Conker's head. Hold it to keep it

- Attack uses Conker's frying pan or whatever.

- Jumping heights vary with combinations of buttons and stuff. Crouch first to
  do a high jump.

- Crouching prepares for a high jump; crawling (Z and Control stick) is a way
  to creep along slowly and silently and stuff. It also gives you a chance to
  get in touch with your inner child.

- You can pick things up by running over them. This changes Conker's attack to
  whatever his current weapon happens to support. If it's not a weapon, he'll
  throw it instead. 

- When he's carrying something, Conker can't jump. He's just not strong enough
  to handle that sort of thing. He'll also move a bit slower as a result of the
  whole weight issue.

                                 Special Moves

You're a squirrel. Squirrels climb trees. They do this by jumping onto them and
going up or down. Same general concept here, except with ropes and ladders. 

I'm not sure swimming is the most popular sport in the drunken rodent 
subculture, but some things just can't be avoided. When in water, Conker will
paddle around. You can move him with the control stick. Pressing B will cause
him to dive. While underwater, hold B and he'll move. Up on the control stick 
makes Conker go down and down makes him go up. Steering remains constant. 
Staying underwater too long makes Conker turn funny colors, so try to avoid it. 

Your basic jump is performed with the A button, but you can press A again to do
a Helicoptery Tail Thing. It makes him hover a little bit, which is always 
useful when crossing gaps and other such things. You can also perform a 
higher jump by pressing Z then A. 

Just like in every other N64 platform game ever made, you can crawl by holding
Z and moving the control stick. It's slow, but I guess that has its advantages
at times. 

                              Weapons & Vehicles

Bouncin' Pitchforks
If you hop on Franky, he'll bounce around. While aboard, press A to jump and B
to perform a stabbing attack of sorts. Use the control stick to move Franky 
around. He moves pretty much the same as Conker.

Bull Riding
While on the bull, use the control stick to steer. B charges, A hops on and 
off. You'll have to hold the bull still somehow before you can get on. Don't
miss your target when you charge, or you'll get tossed. 

Jet Board
Surf the lava, d00d!11! A to jump, B to hit your opponents with a frying pan. 
Control stick for steering, as usual. 

Raptor Riding
Straddle the vicious beast and use the control stick to make Fangy move. A 
makes him jump, B makes him bite or headbutt. If he has someone in his mouth, B
makes him swallow. Z for a headbutt.

Turret Gun
Eat lead, mutha-buzzer! Control stick moves the control stick. A button gets in
and out. B reloads. C buttons zoom. Z button fires the gun. 

Shot Gun
We's goin' zombie huntin'. B takes the gun out or puts it away. C strafes or 
makes Conker step forward or back. R enters aiming mode. Z fires, or if held in
aiming mode, pops out a laser sight. The gun is fired when Z is released.

As a bat, use the control stick to move around. Up dives, down rises. Speed
changes with these. A makes you move backwards, or makes you take off when on 
the ground, as does B, which makes you move forwards in the air. Z makes you 

Machine Gun
Like the Shot Gun, but also with A to reload. And it fires repeatedly instead 
of just one blast. And there's no laser sight.

The Tank
Control stick turns the tank left or right or moves it forward or backwards. A
gets you out of it. C buttons rotate the turret or zoom the camera while in 
aiming mode, which is R again. Z fires.

                     .:*~*:.  { 4.  Walkthrough }  .:*~*:.

The game opens on Conker, sitting on a throne. A Clockwork Orange comes to 
mind... at least it did for CyricZ. Having never had anything to do with A 
Clockwork Orange, book or movie, I'll just take his word for it and hope he's 


Your tutorial area... Why does Rare put these in every game? I dunno about
you, but I prefer the Super Mario approach to it, in which you have all your
moves at the beginning. Oh well. If it helps you learn the basics, so be it. 

Scaredy Birdy
When you gain control of Conker, the first thing you'll want to do is take a
trip around the fence and into the enclosure. So, stumble on over to the other 
side of the fence and into the enclosure. There, you'll meet Birdy. After 
talking to him, stand on the circular thing with a B on it and he'll talk to 
you again. Do as he says and press B.

That doesn't do diddlysquat for you, so head back out (he opens a shortcut for
you, which cuts off about 5 minutes of travel time) and try that on the Context 
Zone out there to get rid of that hangover.

Pan Handled
When that's all done and over with, swim across the river and onto the green
island-like thingy right before the waterfall. Don't worry about falling off.
If you do, there's a tunnel at the end that takes you right back up to the

Once you're on the island, move around a bit, and Conker will remember a few 
moves. Namely, the Helicoptery Tail Thingy and the High Jump. Now you can take 
your fuzzy tail up that ramp-type thing or whatever (use the Helicoptery Tail 
Thingy to cross the gaps), and when you get to the top, you'll find a bigass 
gargoyle sitting in the middle of the bridge that leads to your path home. 
Well, that could present a problem. Especially if you get too close.

So back off a bit, turn around, and look to the right. See that switch thing? 
Jump to it. You might have to do a high jump. Conker will grab it and pull it. 
A door will open down below. Jump back down the ramp-type thing, and go into 
that open door.

The door will slam and lock behind you, so run around a little bit, and Conker
will suddenly remember that he was a frying pan warrior. Well, I suppose it's
better than a cupcake... Anyway, chase after that key, and whack it to knock
it out. Go walk on top of the silly thing to grab it, and head over to the door 
to get out.

I don't know why Conker couldn't just remember the frying pan when he had to
whack the gargoyle, but I guess he's just gotta deal with certain things
first. Certain things like the dancing keys. Anyway, as you've probably 
guessed, you've gotta walk up to the big guy and smack him upside the head with 
your pan.

After a nice big splash, it's bye-bye gargoyle, hello giant boulder blocking 
your path. Grr. You just can't seem to win here. The boulder's a bit easier to 
get rid of than the gargoyle, so just do a High Jump/Helicoptery Tail Thing 
onto it, and a Helicoptery Tail Thingy over to the right onto the platform.

The obvious solution here is to hit the B Button, as it's a B Button Pad. Use
the obvious solution. It's usually the best one, in cases such as this. Boom.
Path cleared. Go on in.


Windy introduces you to life, death, and the birds and the bees. Well, the
bees, at least. Whee.

Mrs Bee
Go down the path, collecting chocolate. When you've got a full life bar
(careful--don't fall!), take a right at the sign (Nice), and you'll run into
a weeping female bee. Conker will talk to her, and she'll tell him about her
problem. Those damn dirty wasps took her hive. Alright, easily remedied.

Go back to the sign and take the path to Nasty. Go up the hill, avoiding the
barbed wire fence (you don't even need to go anywhere near it) and the honey
or whatever on the other side of the path from the aforementioned fence.

At the top of the hill, you'll find the Wasps' nest. You're not here to fight
them, or explore the nest, so just grab the hive, which is sitting outside in
plain sight, and beat it on back to the Queen.

Run down the hill, around the honey patch, and down the path to Nice. Stay on
the path. Do not fall in the water. Do not crash into the wall. Do not pass Go.
Wasps hurt. If you do lose the give, go back up to the hill and into the 
center, ignoring the circling wasps. Then take off with the hive again.

When you reach the bee, Conker will chuck the hive back onto its stand, showing 
remarkable aim. The Queen will go inside and break out the machine guns, 
decimate the wasps, and reward Conker. Eat lead, mother buzzers. You're up $100
now. Well on your way to being a millionaire.

You'll see a few dung beetles conversing amongst themselves, then it's up the
hill for you. Stand on the Context Zone, and Birdy will show up. Context
Zone. Ten dolla. Urry up and buyee! Birdy will sell you a manual for $10,
then hop off. The money will escape and return to Conker, so you just got a
free manual. 

Now, time to shoot down these dung beetles. Using whatever knowledge of
trajectories and gravity you might have, aim that slingshot for all you're 
worth. It takes two shots to knock out a dung beetle. After the first hit, the 
beetle's out for blood, and it's a moving target. Just sling off another shot 
right away, and it won't have time to move out of the line of fire.

When you've taken out all four of 'em, head on up to the top of the hill. 
You'll encounter a fork in the road. The left path smells a bit pooey. You can 
go that way, but at this point, I wouldn't recommend it. Take the right path.

                                   Barn Boys

Murky waters, barnyards, and dancin' pitchforks. It looks to be a fairly small 
area, but within the barn lurks an evil greater than anything you've 
encountered yet.

Trudge on in and cross the river. Check out the right side of the level to
find a few hunks of metal and a gaseous mouse. If you're a sick bastard, you
can make Conker puke by putting him in front of the mouse when it burps. Other
than that, just go stand in front of the big metal blocks to initiate a 

As it turns out, the mouse is scaring the shiznicks outta the bigger of the
two blocks, so it's your task to get rid of Marvin so you can get that fat-ass
bitch offa Jack's back. So go left from the entrance. Take the upper path, and 
you'll find s'more big metal things. Wait until they're facing you, then run 
right up against them (while they're on the ground) and press forward on your 
control stick, so that you're running forward as soon as they jump. If done 
properly, Conker won't get squashed. Contrary to popular belief, that is a good

When you've successfully evaded the second metal thingy, you'll see a herd of
cheese. You can jump in and knock a few out with your frying pan, but you
can't jump while carrying anything, and you'll need to pick up some cheese 
before you leave this god-forsaken corral, so stand in front of the metal 
thing that's sitting outside the pen before going in. It's Burt, of course. 
He'll open the gate for you so you can get out once you've got your mitts on
a piece of cheese.

See those blocks behind the enclosure? The nice little layers of stone and
stuff? Hop onto the smallest one, and from there onto the one beside it. Do a
high jump and hover over the shorter one. A lightbulb will show up. Hit B.
Look around. Getting that tail will net 10 extra lives for you. 

Moving on, go into the pen and stalk your mighty prey, kick its ass with your
frying pan, and tote it back to the mouse. Make sure you don't get hit by a
metal block (they squash the cheese), and when you reach the mouse, Conker
will throw the cheese to him. Lather. Rinse. Repeat twice.

When you've given the mouse 3 hunks of cheese, he'll explode. A pretty nasty
sight. But at least you solved Jack's problem...

Mad Pitchfork
Hop up onto Jack's back, and from there onto the 'fat-ass bitch.' Do a High
Jump onto the pipe on the wall of the barn, then another one onto the other
pipe, and do a Helicoptery Tail Thing onto the roof. Run up the roof and jump
onto the thingy on top of it. Hit the switch. A door will open up. Run across
and grab that cash. If you took the pooey path earlier, Conker will take out
his watch and note that it's 10 o' clock. If you didn't, nada. But that 
doesn't matter now. You're in the middle of a whole other world right now.

Jump off the barn, aiming for the wooden platform that you can see if you
stand near the edge and look around. If you miss the platform, you'll either be
back on the ground with Jack, or you'll be a little puddle of blood, heart, and
eyeball. If not, go down the wooden ramp to the left (if you're facing away 
from the barn), around the pathway, and through the open door.

As Conker steps in, all the bouncing haystacks will turn around and look at
him. After a quick little conversation with them, you'll get to see another 
nice little chat session between a paint pot, a paint brush, and a pitchfork. 
Then it's back to controlling Conker.

Head over to the right side of the barn and up the stairs. If you walk over to
Franky and friends, you'll be treated to a conversation that reminds me
very strongly of my neighbors. When it's over, Franky will start chasing you.

Run over to the bouncing haystacks, and when Franky attacks, stand behind one
of them. This will cause him to spear the haystack instead of you, sending hay
everywhere and keeping Conker in one piece. The eyeballs from the hay will end 
up on the ground. You can squish them, or you can just leave them there. If you 
do (leave them there, that is), they'll watch you.

When all the haystacks have been demolished, Franky will go back to his buddies, 
who will diss his ass-kicking, and cause him to commit suicide. Or at least try
to. But he has no neck, so I guess that won't really work. Go back to the 
entrance, which is still locked, and pull the lever on the wall across from it. 
The King Bee will fall out the window, and the door will mysteriously lose its 
bar. Go back outside.

Sunny Days
As soon as you step out, the King Bee will try to bum some cash offa Conker. 
Conker won't give a rat's ass until he mentions the 'big-breasted babe.' Then 
it's off to help him pollinate her...

Head on over to the flower (cross the platform and go down the ramp along the
wall), and talk to her. Then get your big, long, hairy tail back up to the
wooden platform by the barn. When you get there, you'll be swarmed by a mob 
of bees. Fortunately for Conker, they're pacifists. All they do is tickle 
people. Hm... Go back to the sunflower with bees in tow. They'll start tickling 
her. But they're not enough. You'll have to find the other 4 swarms.

Go to the entrance of the level and jump around a bit. When you get that
swarm, go back to the cheese enclosure area and hop around the blocks.
There's a swarm along the back wall. Now head over to Jack and his bitch and
hop up onto the roof. Get the swarm there, then climb onto the roof beside
it, do a high jump to reach the peak, and climb up the ladder. Make your way
around the edge of the pool (don't fall in--if you do, you'll lose your bees)
and grab the swarm there, then head back down. Actually, you can get these in
whatever order you choose, but this one takes you around the level in what I
think is the easiest and fastest way.

Take your swarms back to the sunflower, and enjoy the show. When that's over,
take her up on the offer of a bounce and hop on her stigmas. You'll need a 
High Jump to get there. Just before you hit 'em, press A, and squirrel boy 
will be bounced higher, leaving you free to do a Helicoptery Tail Thing into 
that alcove, netting you some easy cash.

Barry + Co
Go back to the wooden platform by the barn and wait for the bouncing crate to
stop. High Jump onto it, and from there onto the platform that the King Bee
fell from. Go into the barn.

After the bats notice you, you'll have to make your way across the beams,
avoiding attacking bats. You can do the Helicoptery Tail Thing, or you can
walk. It's more fun to walk, but it's easier to hover. Your call.

If you walk, a lightbulb will show up. When the bat squeaks, hit B, and
Conker will whip out a flamethrower and torch the sucka. If you hover, you'll
see the lightbulb, but there's not much you can do about it if you're hanging
in mid-air.

If you fall, you'll have to go through the entire thing again. Of course, you
could always take the fun AND easy way out and crisp the bats, then jump. Or
you could just throw knives at 'em when you've gotten the entire way across.
Again, your call.

Anyway, when you've successfully navigated the bat-ridden rafters, you'll end
up on a Context Zone. Hit B to whip out some throwing knives. If you didn't
turn them into crispy fritters, you can use the bats for target practice, but
your main goal here is to shoot down Franky, so aim for the rope above his
head. Eyeballs on a stick. Whatever.

Buff You
When you've got him down, it's time to get down yourself. Jump off. After a
short conversation, hop on board the farm utensil for some good ol' fashioned
pitchfork ridin'. Redneck sport, that. My neighbors do it.

Bounce on over to the big haystack guy and try to charge him. If he smacks
you, get the chocolate outta the corners before remounting your not-quite-noble
steed. When you've charged him twice, he'll whip out an evil-looking eye. Eek.
Terminator! Get him again, and he'll crash through the floor, bringing you
down with him.

Haybot Wars
After a quick chat with Franky, Conker will duck to avoid a Suzie 9mm. Since
he hurt his leg from the fall, Conker will be a bit slow on the ground, so
hop on board your trusty pal Franky.

Haybot attacks with those Suzie 9mm missiles and his iron fists. Run over to
the edge of the room and hide behind one of the big pipes, and metal boy will
shoot it with a Suzie, causing water to squirt out. This ends the missile
shooting for a bit, so hop out and stand in the water stream to lure old
Sparky over to it.

When he's hit with the water, Haybot will start sparking and spinning. Bounce
over to him. See that button that says "Do Not Push" on his back? When you're
close to it, the lightbulb will show up. Press B. Zap. There goes his arm.
Now he throws you to attack instead of hitting you. Yowch.

Do that with the other 2 pipes, and he'll blow the other arm (now he steps on
you), then boom. He's gone. With Haybot out of the way, Franky's lying in 
pieces, although Conker's leg seems to be better...

Frying Tonight
Now you have more important matters to take care of, such as getting the hell
outta there before the water reaches those sparking wires and fries up some 
squirrel. Strap on your water wings.

Swim your way over to the pipe with Exit signs on either side of it and climb
the ladder. At the top, there's a Context Zone, and when you hit B, Conker
will whip out his knives again.

Conker will have to use the knives to cut down the hanging wires. There are
three here. The first two are easy to see; the third is partially submerged
and harder to see. Hit them (aim for the part where they're attached to the
pipe) before the next pipe starts spurting water, or Conker will be zapped. A 

When those three are gone, swim across the room and climb up the ladder. High
Jump onto the platform and you'll have 3 more wires to take out, one each on
your left and right, and another one in the center of the room. When those
are gone, another pipe will burst and you'll be carried by the rising water
to the top of the room.

Swim across the room and jump onto the platform, and leave. Once out, you'll
end up in a room with a little rodent guy with a stone tablet. Stand on his
tablet, and he'll launch you up into the rafters. Use your Helicoptery Tail
Thing to fly over to the alcove, snatch the money, and High Jump out the

Slam Dunk
Head to the right and climb the ladder. Avoiding the wasps, make your way to
the top. When you reach a wasp, stop and wait for it to pass a ladder, then 
scurry up the rungs while it finishes its pass and turns around.

At the top, you'll find a diving board-type thing and a few pieces of
chocolate. Jump towards the chocolate in mid-air, and the lightbulb will show
up. Hit B. Conker will turn into an anvil and crash down into the bottom of 
the bucket, opening a grating. Whee. Climb out.

Make your way down to the ground, and go into the water. If you swim towards 
the sunflower, you'll see the open grating. Go in, and you can grab a Tail
and some cash. Very nice. Time to head back out to Windy.

                                  Windy Again

Back outside, the sun is shining, the bees are buzzing, and the smell of poo is
in the air. You can pick up a wad of cash before you get started here by going
over to the wasp next. There are 4 openings, as you can see. One is guarded by 
a vicious beast and two are out of your range. Head for the only one you can 
get to. It's on the left. You'll come out on the ledge on the right, and from 
there's it's a high jump and a spin to the next one up. You'll emerge behind a 
wad of cash. 

When you're done, don your gas mask and take the brown path you passed on your 
way to Barn Boys.

Poo Cabin
The dung beetle says you need to make the cows poo if you want a ball, so head
to the left and stand on the trapdoor to make Conker head down. Run to the end
of the hallway and make a flying helicopter leap onto the rope you see there. 
Climb that one, then jump to the one in front of it. When you reach the top of 
this one, make a leap of faith to the other rope hanging from the same beam, 
then climb down (or up) that one until you can see the source of the poofall.
Jump into the hole. Run up the ramp and out into the light. 

In the cowpen, you'll come face-to-face with a bull. He doesn't like red. Go
figure. Conker's orange, but just go along with it and pretend he's red, 'cause
he *is* a red squirrel, after all. Head around to the side of the entrance, and 
you should encounter a ramp with falling pooballs.

Wait for a gap, then jump up onto the ramp. If you stay close to the wall, the
passing pooballs should miss you, so you're relatively safe. Once you reach the 
top, hop onto those last few platforms and do a high jump onto the keg. At the 
end of it is a giant tap, so run around in circles in the direction of the 
arrow to start the flow. Prune juice is enough to free even the most 
constipated of people, so once you find some cows, filling up the poo pit 
should be no problem. 

As you can see, a target has popped out. Your job is to make the bull hit the 
target. The bull wants to hit Conker. Have we made the connection yet? Go stand
in front of the bullseye. When the cow appears, run over to the new target and 
wait for the bull to get stuck, then hop on. 

Take your bull over to the cow and charge. After she's had a drink, she'll have
a nasty case of the "screaming squits." I'm pretty sure they censored shit 
everywhere else, so why let it go here? Hm... Anyway, drive your bull towards 
her and charge to witness more pointless gore, and another target will appear. 

Repeat with the next cow (you'll have to hit her twice before she'll drink) and
the one after that (three times this time), and you're done. Go back out via 
the hole or the way you came in.

Sewage Sucks
Swim into the the hole in the wall if you followed the bull and look for a 
Context Pad whether you did or not. Conker will take some Confidence Pills,
which allow him to dive and swim underwater. Or underpoo, as the case may be.

Read the instruction manual if you must, then jump into the water and swim back
out through the hole in the wall. There's a tail at the end of the beam that
you can take, but eventually you'll have to go down. Just for the record, the 
bull is floating around somewhere in the middle. Find the original entrance to
the poo cavern and swim in. At this point, you should be able to grab the cash
that was calling you in the beginning, so do that. It's in a little alcove. If
you surface and turn around, you can see it. So, get that, then go back out
into the pooey mess and swim into the hole on the bottom. You'll end up back
in the poo cabin. The beetle is gone, so go outside. 

Great Balls of Poo
As you can see, there is now a ball of poo at your disposal. Oh, joy. Go behind
it and start pushing. Take the ball around the poo house and up the ramp beyond 
it. Push it up as far as you can (watch out for the dung beetles; they hurt) 
and shove it over the edge. The giant beetle sitting there will chow down and
explode, what with the dynamite Conker shoved into the poo and all. It's safe 
to walk past now.

Jump back down and push the next ball of poo past the boarded up entrance sort
of thing. Not up the ramp, but up the mountain. Again, keep an eye out for 
those dung beetles. When you reach the end of the ramp, shove your ball into 
the cave-like thing at the top to open up the passage at the bottom of the

At the top, you can here a wad of cash calling for you. Do a high jump to take
Conker above the hole and jump again to reach the peak of Poo Mountain. Jump
back down to the Poo Cabin. 

Take your third ball of poo around the mountain and to the edge of the cliff. 
Ignore the "No Pooballs" sign and toss it down, then follow it. Behind the 
walking ball of poo is a plunger. Hit it and jump into the pool, but be sure to
stay out of the center. Swim around the edge and go into the doorway built into
the wall. 

                                  Bats Tower

This doesn't seem like much of a tower from the start, but it's coming. You'll
just have to tolerate fire, water, and brass first. You can handle that, can't
you? Yep, that's what I thought... 

Mrs Catfish
Upon entering the area, you'll encounter a school (I guess) of blue-blooded
catfish. They'll give you 10% of their cash if you can get rid of the Bullfish
guarding it. They'll even drop a subtle hint ("He's easily wound up,") before
backing off and leaving Conker to do the job. 

Jump into the water and head out. The first waterfall you pass hides some
chocolate and a tail. The rest just conceal solid rock, so you can ignore them.
Go past the waterfalls and into the murky green waters of the Bullfish. Ignore
him for now and dive down into that hole in the bottom of the pool. 

Barry's Mate
Yay, time to torch more bats! Swim forward and up. You should run into an 
opening. Climb out of the water and go into the next room. Run up that little
set of stairs, and you'll be greeted rather rudely by a cigar-smoking cog.
Conker will spin him around to his... er... 'more sensitive' side. After a bit
of banter, you're free to move around again. Unfortunately, those cogs you're
supposed to retrieve are locked beyond the grating you might have noticed as
you surfaced. A wooden platform has appeared near the wall, so hop on and ride 
up. You'll catch a quick view of the bats. Looks like you found the tower 
you were looking for... 

Walk around the wooden platform and hop onto the crossbeam. Halfway across, 
your lightbulb will appear and you'll hear squeaking. Wait a second before you
press B if you want to actually *hit* the bat with your blowtorch. Finish 
crossing the beam. 

At the end is another platform, from which you can see a dangling rope. Hop on
and climb up. You can jump to the next rope if you want to skip the bat-
torching, but who wants to do that? Tiptoe across the beam. Repeat this with 
the next few levels, and eventually you'll reach the top. You'll probably be
hearing the pleas of some unloved cash here. Hop onto the platform and head
to the right around the top of the tower. You should probably just glide over
the lower parts of the wall to avoid any enemies. Grab the cash and hop back
down to the little platform with the lever. It's across from the rope you used
to get up here. The grate will open and Conker will fall onto the cobwebs 

Cogs' Revenge
Make your way down the tower and jump back into the water. Go through the open
grate and swim through the tunnel. Go up at the end and you'll find yourself in
a room with a giggling female cog. Smack her with your frying pan and return to
the room with the grumpy/fruity cog. Go up the stairs and put it on the peg for
a lovely bit of oral sex comedy, then go back through the underwater tunnel. 

This time go down the hallway. There are two more cogs hopping around in here,
but they're a bit harder to catch. Just run the opposite direction so you meet
on the other side and hit them with your frying pan. You can only hold one at
once, so you'll have to make two trips here. Take them both back to the cog 
room and put them on the pegs, then head for the platform in the center of the

Remember the keg with the prune juice? This is sort of similar. Run around in
a clockwise circle to finish off this section by winding in the Bullfish.

The Combination
Head back to the beginning of the area and talk to the catfish to get them to
open the safe. They'll back off so you can go in and get their cash for them.
Head into the safe.

Blast Doors
As you enter, the cash will take a flying leap into the water below. The doors
will close behind it, leaving you to find a way to open them. Step onto the B
pad. Whip out your slingshot and aim for the hole in that spinning wheel. But
wait! Don't just aim for ANY letter. Aim for the combination... O-P-E-N. When
you've hit them all, the doors will spring open, granting you access to the
dark waters below. If you miss too much, one of the metal frog things will 
bounce out to attack you. If you aim right, you can peg him with before he gets
close enough to hurt you.

Jump into the water and climb onto that Context Pad to get yourself a light, 
then dive down into the great unknown.

Clang's Lair
Conker's not a very fast swimmer, so make sure you take the air when you can 
get it. This area is dotted with air bubbles, so your biggest problem will be
finding your way around this place. Swim straight down, and be sure to duck 
into an alcove should the big metal thing get too close. If you don't, you'll
get bitten. Not pleasant. 

At the end of the hallway, you should see some bright green lights. Take a 
breath at the bottom, then swim into the bottom one. Resurface once you get out
and replace your battery if the urge takes you. Then head for the flashing blue
lights. Watch out for the Clang. 

Head for the surface as soon as you get out. There's a lever here, so grab that
before you dive back down. Go for the green lights. Remember to breathe again,
then dive down and head for the tunnel surrounded by yellow lights. Swim up and
go towards the first air bubble alcove thing you see before continuing. Make 
your way up the pipe, ducking into an alcove should you get too close to the
Clang for comfort. Keep going up until you break the surface, then climb out 
and jump down the hole in front of you. Run down the pipe...

After that slightly disturbing show, turn around and head for the keg. Take a
biiiiiiiig drink, then step out into the main room and zip down your fly...

Use Z to take a leak on the nearest demon and keep at it until he turns black.
Repeat with the next demon, and so on and so on and so on. If your bladder runs 
dry, wander over to the first aid box to sober up, then head back to the keg 
for a refill. When you cut them down, the last two demons will scurry into the
boiler-like thing in the middle... Sober up. You'll need to be fast for this. 

Brass Monkeys
Right. This is fairly easy compared to other things we've been through, so head
for one of the corners. Wait for the boiler to make its way over to the grate-
like thing in front of you, then do a high-jump to grab onto a chain and pull.
While the boiler is swaying harmlessly in the center, run up and whip out some
cinder blocks... 

Hey, that seemed to help things a bit! Let's do it again. And again. And one 
more time just for good measure. When the balls fall off, you'll have to push
them into place. There's a hole for one of them across from the first aid kit.
Push it on to raise the grating that was blocking the door before. Shove the
other one into the open passageway to take out the spiky guy, which in turn
will make a hole in the wall, granting you access to the safe. Grab the cash.
You've earned it. 

Bullfish's Revenge
10% of $10 wasn't really what you had in mind when you took on this job, eh?
Conker will hang onto the lot, and Bullfish will start breaking his chain. Hop
back into the water. As you begin to make your way back up the stream, the
Bullfish will snap the final wire. Swim. Swim like you've never swum before.
When it's all over, hop on top of the Bullfish to reach an alcove which holds a 
few hundred bucks. A just reward for your struggles. Head back to Windy and go
straight to Poo Mountain. Step in through the hole at the bottom...


The dung beetle within has a nice story to tell about this place, but as you can 
see, it's really just a big steaming cavern of poo.

Corn Off the Cob
Follow the solid path until you hear the voice of God... er... Chucky. He wants
corn. You've got a frying pan. Knock 'em dead, slugger. Take a piece of corn to
the edge of the little platform sticking out over the poo lake for some nice
Jaws action, then move on to the next pit. Watch for falling pooballs. Toss in 
both pieces of corn here, hang a right at the fork, and throw in all three. He
seems to be satisfied now. 

Sweet Melody
Possibly the best part of the game... When the Great Mighty Poo finishes 
singing his first verse, run over to the nearest Context Pad. Dodge the falling 
poo balls and wait for him to start singing again, then press B to whip out 
some toilet paper. Take careful aim, then fling it at him while his mouth is 
open. He'll begin the next verse, but when that's over, repeat the process on a 
different pad. It takes two hits this time. He's getting pretty mad, as the 
lyrics and tempo would suggest. Hit him three times from the final pad to just 
about finish him off. His beautiful singing voice will shatter the glass.

U-Bend Blues
Run towards the cash by taking the left fork. Grab it and yank the cord above 
to flush down the beast. Go to the pit in the center and start hopping down the
platforms until you reach the exit. You'll get a nice cutscene with Berri, then
it's back to Conker...

OK, we're going swimming. Jump in. These spinning blades are nasty things. 
You're going to have to perfect your timing to get through in one piece. I hope
you're patient. One important thing to remember is that Conker stops swimming 
as soon as you stop pushing the B button. If you release it right before the
fan thing and start moving again just as a blade is passing, you should get
through in one piece. When you do, swim up.

There's an insanely fast blade up ahead, but when you break the surface, you'll
find that it's not related to your little escapades in any way. Go through the 
tunnel at the edge of the water. As you can see, there are annoying little 
blades here, too. Climb up the rope, hop to the side, run to the ladder, and go 
on up. If you're really good, you can go straight from the rope to the ladder.

The Bluff
At this point, you should have the $1000 required to pay the weasels' toll, so
pay up. Don't worry about losing all that money; Conker will get it back. Cross
the bridge to find yourself surrounded by lava. Don't fall in. And try not to
let the dinosaurs chew on you.

Run around the stone structure and go through the doorway in back. You'll end
up on the second level. Run around again to find another doorway, which takes
you to the top. Snag the cash and hop on top of that head (use the jaw as a 
step). When you see the lightbulb, hit B. Do this three times. Welcome to 
Uga Buga.

                                   Uga Buga

Cavemen, lava, dinosaurs, rocks. Welcome to prehistory. Remember, lava means
instant death. Don't fall in!

Drunken Gits
Hop back onto the statue and pound it one more time to clear a path through the 
stone structure, then jump down again. The blue area beyond is full of Rock
Monsters. Most of them are just hungover, so if you get near them, they'll 
stand up and hit you. Then they'll yack and curl up again. There's one by the
entrance to the bar that's passed out, so you're free to shove him around. 

Get him past the other monsters (you'll probably take a few hits from them) and 
head through the hole in the base of the stone thing. Keep going forward to
shove the rock down the tunnel, creating a prehistoric version of the fate of 
the second brass ball. Go on down. Run down the ramp and head through the door 
to the right of the big dino head.

If you wanna make an omelette, you've gotta break some eggs. Speaking of eggs,
isn't that one in the middle of this room? Run up to it and hop on the little
monk guy's tablet to get him to toss you up. Take a seat on the egg to hatch 
it. Aw, Conker's a mommy... Or mummy, for you British chaps.

Lead your dinosaur over to the exit by taking a right onto the path that you 
took to get here. Make sure it follows. If it doesn't, run back and hop around
until you get its attention, then go back again. Don't worry about the cavemen.
They make a tasty snack.

You'll emerge from the door to the left of the dino head. Lead your kid over to
the four worshipping cavemen and step on the Context Pad. Aim to the button on
the left. It has an up arrow on it. Hitting it will raise the slab on the 
platform behind you, revealing a set of dino footprints. Take your dinosaur 
onto the platform and leave him there. 

Jump back down to the B Pad and shoot the button to the right to... Well, I 
won't ruin it for you. 

Yuck. The mouth is open, but the tongue is too slimy to walk on. There's 
another guy with a stone tablet here, so hop on to catch a ride to the top of
the head. Run back along the head to snag some cash and a tail, then turn 
around and head to the snout. 

Hm... Those smoking green nostrils seem a bit suspect. Maybe you should 
investigate. When they aren't smoking, hop in and use B to sprinkle some 
pepper. Do this with both nostrils to clear up his sinuses, which in turn 
leaves a clear throat and tongue. Go on up. Watch out for the uvula and walk
down his throat.

Inside, watch for more swinging things. When you reach the fork, pick a 
direction and go. The right way is easier, so take that if you're a slacker. At
the end, dodge the dangling thing and run out into the large open cavern the
egg was in. This time you're on the platform that you probably saw right above
Conker as he was hatching the aforementioned egg. Conker will take the dead 
caveman's headdress. Go back to the cavern with the venerators. 

As Conker steps out of the mouth, the cavemen will rush over to start groveling
at his feet. Lead your followers up the ramp (stay close; we don't want to 
leave anyone behind) and through the tunnel to Rock Solid. 

Hit one of the rockmen and your groupies will take over. When every single 
rockman has crumbled, speak to the bouncer to get him out the way, then head 

Rock Solid
Run straight forward, and Conker's weight will depress a panel that opens a 
door. Hey, isn't that Berri? Anyway, if you move, the door will shut again. 
You'll have to find another way to get it to stay down. Head down into the
main part of the club and check out the bar. There's a curled up rockman 
behind it. Take him up the ramp and put him on the panel in front of the door.

The door under Berri is held open now, but it only takes you to the dancing 
rockgirls up above. At the end of their catwalk is another panel that closes 
that particular door but opens two more on either side of it, but there aren't
any more curled up rockmen. There is a keg, though... Go take a drink and head
out to the dance floor. 

There's a lone rockman dancing in front of the doorway, so make a straight line
between him, the door, and yourself and let 'er rip. A stream of urine will 
make him curl up and the pressure from it will roll him into the doorway, 
depositing him on the next level. 

Once he's there, turn around and hit the first aid station across from the door
to sober up, then follow him, either by going through the doorway (losing a bit
of chocolate) or by going around and using the arch that forms a doorframe for
the left door as steps to reach the top. Once you reach the ledge... 

Push the rockman up to one of the alcoves and wait for the rock woman to step 
out, shake her thang, and start back in. As soon as she does, shove past. Do 
this with the next one, too. Do NOT let your rockman fall. If you do, you'll
have to start all over, complete with peeing on him. When you reach the end,
shove him onto the panel and hop down. Let's celebrate by getting smashed and
peeing on some more boulders.

No, really. Go get drunk and push two more rockmen into the new open doors. 
They'll fall on top of Berri's cage, and the second one will smash it. Berri
will run off, leaving Conker alone with the cash. Take it and try to leave. The
bouncer will take you to see the boss... 

Bomb Run
Watch the cutscene. The weasel will explain your task: Use the bomb to get rid 
of the cavemen. As soon as you get control, start running. You don't have much
time here, so every second counts. Take off towards the cavern with the giant
dino head and go inside. 

Conker can't jump with a bomb, so you'll have to take the left path. Make sure
you don't get him by an uvula; that will set off the bomb, and we aren't ready 
for that just yet. Once you reach the end of the dino innards, run to the end
of the platform, Conker will take over. His mask will fall off, the lava will 
rise, and so ends the local caveman population. Use the floating stone 
platforms as stepping stones to the other side and go out.

Will this chapter ever end? As you step out, a bunch of caveman punks will mug
you, moon you, and speed off. Take the path to the right to reach Simon's 
board, and we're off. 

Watch out for the brontosaurus that's wandering around the area and try to 
catch up with the muggers. Each one is holding some of your money. There are
a few tricky spots that require jumping to keep an eye out for, but you'll
probably notice a caveman jumping as you tail him, so let that be your cue.
Also watch out for the walls. Hit one head on and it's instant death; 
sideswipe one and you'll lose some chocolate. 

Once you catch up with and eliminate the first two riders, the path will change
a little bit. Take note of this and remember to turn right when it happens. As
soon as you get the third one, a gate near the beginning will open up. The path
is back to how it was at the start of the race. Go up the ramp to the now open
gate and jump at the top to nab some cash and finish the board-riding sequence.

Raptor Food
Now, this game came out long before Star Wars: Episode II, but I'm definitely
catching some similarities here. Completed unrelated, but sorta nifty, too. 
Anyway, head over to the cavemen. A door will spring open and a large raptor
will step out... After the extremely graphic death of the first caveman (hey,
his legs are still moving!).

Run for the Context Pad in the center of the arena and wait for Fangy to make 
his way over to you. As soon as he does, press B to whip out your watch and 
hypnotize him. And we're off! Run around and finish off what's left of the

Just when we thought it was all over, Buga will call in the infantry to take
care of the pesky little squirrel. Don't let them hit you if you can avoid it.
If they do, run over to the Context Pad and wait for Fangy to show up, then hit
B to hop on. No more hypnotizing. Either eat them all or push them into the 

As soon as the guys with clubs are out of the way, a mass of spear-wielding
cavemen will run out. Projectiles are a bit harder to avoid, but do your best.
If you're good, you can knock three cavemen into the lava and get another one
in your mouth with one charge. Get rid of all the cavemen one way or another,
and Buga's girl will say that Conker's gotta bigger bone than Buga...

Buga the Knut
Oh my giddy aunt... Buga's big. Really big. But not all over. If he jumps, he 
sends out waves, so be ready to jump should he do so. He also uses his bone to 
deal a hefty crack to your head, so watch out for that, too. As soon as he 
finishes an attack, run in and have Fangy take a bite out of his crotch. While 
he's covering himself up, run around and chomp on his bum. 

Don't worry about catching Fangy if you get knocked off. He wants to live 
through this ordeal just as much as you do, so he'll run over to you when you
fall. Just jump on. Do this three times, and Buga will reveal his secret...

With Buga and Fangy out of the way, it's babe time. Head for the wall through
which Buga made his escape and hop up onto the platform with the open door to
reach Jugga. After the following cutscene, head out the open door to find 
yourself back in the lava cave that led you here. Run along the path and out
the door. Your cash is waiting on the ledge, so grab it, then run down the 
mountain path and jump off at the end. This place looks might familiar...

Climb out of the water and return to the lair of the Great Mighty Poo. Just hop
into the pit in front of you that's conveniently labeled "Exit" to return to 
the safety of the Poo Cabin, then go outside.

                                Windy Yet Again

Windy is such a lovely cheerful place, even with the thriving insect population
constantly at war with you and each other. As you step out of the Poo Cabin, 
you will see the wasps taking the beehive again. Ah well. All in a day's work. 

Wasps' Revenge
Run on down and have a nice little chat with the Queen Bee. You're getting 
four times as much money this time, but you have to go farther into the nest.
Oh well. $400 is a lot of money. 

Go on up to the wasps' nest and go in through the central hole. The weird thing 
that was guarding it before is gone now. Head to the platform in the center of 
the nest and hop into the hive. As soon as you do, legions of hornets will 
start pouring out of the walls. Fortunately, you're sitting in a turret gun.
Take them out. Use the radar at the top of the screen to your advantage. The 
first three waves will be relatively small, but the fourth one is an all-out
assault. When you're done, Mrs. Bee will show up and tell you to get outta
there. Heed her advice. 

Same old deal as last time. This time, you'll also have to get out of the nest.
Once you do, Mrs. Bee will hop into the hive and take out the rocket launchers.
Chew on this, buzz suckers! With $400 in your grubby little paws, cross the

Mr Barrel
Yay! Our last Windy scenario! We're finally gonna scale that mountain. Go on 
up, but watch out for the earthworm. It's still guarding the area. At the top,
assuming you've collected all the cash up to this point, Mr Barrel will offer 
you a ride in exchange for your hard earned bucks. Now, this wasn't really 
what we had in mind, but hop on anyway. We're going down the mountain. 

Stay close to the wall as you go down so you don't go flying off the edge. When
you reach the bottom of the hill, Conker will fall off and Mr Barrel will keep
going. He'll break apart the boards blocking the passage at the end of the 
screen, but the impact is enough to knock Conker out for a few hours. By the
time he wakes up, it's dark. Oh well. Hop in the water and swim through the
new passageway. 


The name of this chapter is a pretty good indicator of what you'll find here.
Good enough for me, anyway. I'm too lazy to write a nice description.

Mr Death
As soon as Conker steps into the tunnel, it will cave in. You'll have to find 
another way out. Run along now. Take the left path at the fork and keep going
until you reach a large underground lake. Follow the current through a small
passageway and you'll come out at the top of a waterfall. Jump up to grab a 
lever, which will open a door. You'll fall into the water at the end of the
path you'd have been on had you taken the right fork, so swim along and go back
to the lake.

Run up to the docks and Conker will stop to talk to Gregg, who will give you a
shotgun. Lovely. Go on up the wooden ramp to reach the door you opened a minute 

Inside, the zombies will rise out of their graves. They'll mob you if they get 
the chance, so get somewhere out of their range (like a gravestone) and snipe 
them with your shotgun. Remember, a shot to the head kills them, so use your 
laser sight (hold Z while in aiming mode) to choose your target. 

When you've taken care of the initial attackers, follow the path. Be prepared
to hop onto a nearby tombstone should any more undead rise from their graves. 
Kill enough of them, and Gregg will appear. Finish off whatever's mobbing you 
and make a dash for it before the next wave rises. Gregg will open the door,
allowing you to step through into the next section of the graveyard. 

There aren't any zombies here, but the twisted path is guarded by the skeleton
of an earthworm (hey, aren't worms invertebrates?). Like the ones on the 
mountain in Windy, they'll pop out, grab you, and throw you. Just jump over 
them, but be careful. The path is pretty narrow. When you reach the top, step
into the mansion. 

Count Batula
Upon stepping in, the mansion's resident will step down and greet you. Cross
the threshold (hey, vampires can only cross the threshold of a residence once
they've been invited... what does this say about Conker?) and enjoy your meal. 
After the villagers show up, you'll learn your true task. Conker makes such a 
cute bat. Now, let's just hope the villagers aren't carrying torches.

Your job here is to knock a villager out with guano, pick him up, and drop him
into the grinder so your ancestor can feed. Do this enough and his rope will
snap. Marvelous. Go into one of the rooms with villagers and wait for your 
sonar to kick in. When you start seeing waves, press Z to let loose a guano 
bomb. Then swoop down, pick up your villager, and get out of there before his
or her friends knock you down. When it's all over, Conker will turn back into
himself again. Head for the foyer.

The door's locked, the villagers are gone, and the place is chock full o'
zombies. Time to break out the shotgun again. Most of the zombies in here won't
even notice you unless you shoot at them as long as you keep your distance, so
walk slowly and remember to snipe. 

Go through the hallway to the left of the stairs to reach the library. Clear
out the hallway and the library, then go up the stairs inside and hop onto the
middle bookshelf, where you'll find a Context Pad. Hop on to pull out a 
crossbow (which is also conveniently sporting a laser scope) and shoot the bats
that will swoop towards you. When you've gotten all three, go out the door at
the top of the stairs that leads you to the torture chamber. Ah, yes. The 
Grinder is still running. Don't fall in. 

Make your way around the edge of the room. There are two zombies in the next 
one, so stand in the doorway and snipe away, then head for the center of the
room. Another crossbow on this context pad lets you hit those bats on the other
end of the room, then make your way around the beams to reach the key. Pick it
up and creep back along the rafters, down the ramp in the library, and into the
foyer. Pop the key into the doorhole, then start shooting the zombies in the 
hall to the right of the stairs. We're going into the dining room next.

When you reach the dining room, jump onto the table to avoid the zombies, then
head for the garden. The garden is full of all sorts of nasty zombie types, but
the hedges allow for some nice sniper points. Once you've killed all the 
zombies, nab the key from the central area and head back to the door. 

Just one more key left! Go upstairs and head right to reach the grinding room.
Glide over to the ladder and climb up, then hover over to and hit the lever. It 
will open up a secret passage. Go downstairs again, purge the zombies, and use
the passage to get to the key and bring it back down to put into the door. 

Mr Barrel
Yay, we can finally get out of here! Hop on Mr Barrel and take him outside. The
path with the worms? It's twisty. You can handle it, maybe. Take Mr Barrel down
this hill and through the graveyard. Hop off the dock and roll the barrel 
upstream. There's a passage up here that you might not've noticed before, 
'cause Conker couldn't swim up there. Once Mr Barrel drops you off, go into 
said passage and grab the cash waiting there. Hey, back in Hungover... Didn't
think you'd ever be glad to see this place, eh? Let's get back to Windy. 

                                   It's  War

Well, we're almost done. Just two chapters left. Then you get that warm, fuzzy
feeling of completion. Or maybe you just need to take a potty break. You
haven't been playing straight through, have you? It's not good for your kidneys
to do that...

It's War
As you step into Windy, a newsflash about a war pops up. Conker's always had
this thing for acts of senseless violence, and why stop with frying pans? 
Halfway up the hill to the wasps' nest is a barbed wire fence. Hop over and go
through the door. Hey, did you notice the headlines under other news in the 
newspaper? "King Bee's Love Triangle" and "Uggas Die in Boulder Tragedy."

Power's Off
Run into the level. As you do so, you'll see a plane being shot down. The 
ensuing crash will pretty much block the harbor. Jump down onto the beach, and
you'll learn that the power's out, too. The sergeant will mention an electric
eel and some things. Right-o. Let's go swimming. 

Jump into the water. The eel will start following you. Now, extending from the
pier are three wires with little hoop things at the end. Swim through the hoops
while the eel is following you. His electricity will charge them up. When you 
hit the third one, the power will come back on and the eel is history. 

Climb out of the water and give that big metal crate a shove. Move it clockwise
around the water to the end of the little dirth patch, then look around for the 
big sign that says "TNT" and go up the ramp it's hung over. At the top, head 
for the men's room and knock. A BIT of a problem? Feh. Well, the guy's feeling 
a bit tired, so it's up to you to push him. Get behind him and start pushing. 
Don't let him go over the edge, or he'll detonate prematurely. When you reach 
the ramp, push him over. The crate will stop him from bouncing down the stairs.

This guy has to go around the pier, and your route is blocked by bouncing 
crates and falling metal boxes on one side and spider landmine things on the 
other. One touch from any of these will blow your TNT guy, and not in a good 

Let's get the hard part over with and go counterclockwise first. The mines seem
to be randomly placed at first glance, but that's not really the case. They 
don't give chase and they're always in the same place, so as long as you know 
what that place is, you're good. It's generally a good idea to have Conker 
scout ahead a little bit to bring up any mines, but the pattern goes inside,
inside, outside, outside, inside, inside, outside, inside. There are a few
barren areas in there, but it's best to keep on your toes. Push your TNT guy
through with caution.

When he's in place, go to the Context Pad in the center and whip out your 
slingshot. Conker is now firing some little flaming pellet things (or 
something), so aim a bit higher than the TNT guy and let go. If you do it 
right, the flaming pellet thing will hit the fuse on the TNT barrel and blow it
up, taking half the plane with it. Yay! That looks a bit precarious, eh? Let's
go get another TNT guy and push him the other way... 

The clockwise path has an obvious pattern, so it's fairly easy. To get past the 
crates, push the TNT guy up to the edge of their paths (remember that it takes 
him a few steps to come to a full halt and take that into account) and wait for 
one of them to start moving away from you, then shove for all you're worth. The 
metal boxes are a bit easier, as all you have to do is wait for one to fall, 
then shove him through. When you reach the end, repeat the fuse-lighting 
process to completely remove the airplane. Run down the stairs to finish up.

The Assault
Thanks for volunteering. When Conker wakes up, the grey squirrels are about to
storm the beach. It's like D-Day all over again. Doesn't Conker look just like
Tom Hanks in that helmet? Anyway, your entire goal here is to survive. The only
places you're safe are the metal things that all the squirrels are huddled
behind. When the firing drops off a bit, run to the next one. Make your way up
the beach and head for cover.

Sole Survivor
When you reach shelter, the only other squirrel to make it up the beach will
try to tell you what to do. Unfortunately, he's gunned down before he can 
finish, and it's up to you to win this war. Press B to pull some assault rifles
and a lit cigar out of your ass (or something; either way, it looks painful). 
Now, take a look at that door. Lock? No problem. Take it out, Bond-style. 

Reload and walk in. The Tediz are everywhere. Fortunately, it's a lot faster
to fire with a machine gun than with a shotgun. Unfortunately, your enemies are
now armed. Gun them down to open the door, then load up and go through. What's
this? Laser security? Blimey... 

Put away your guns. We need to jump. The first laser can be cleared with a 
single high jump, and the other two are easily crossed by running under the
higher parts. Whip out your guns again as soon as you reach the other side.

Four more Tediz right around the corner, and another one on a crate on the
other side of the next lasers. Snipe him before you jump through the narrow gap
in the lasers. As soon as you hit the ground, you'll be mobbed by four more
Tediz. Don't let them push you back into the laser!

Continue along the hallway. Two Tediz will ambush you from the hatch in the
ceiling, but you've been warned, so you'll know they're coming. Creep under the
first laser. Another enemy lurks behind the crate in front of you. After the 
next laser, the hatch will dump two more on you. Fight them off, edge around
the corner, nail the next two Tediz that drop on you, and finish off the floor
by wasting the guys lurking behind the next crate. Conker will make a daring
escape by diving into the elevator. What movie is that mocking? I know I've
seen it somewhere... Hm... 

The next floor awaits. Note the elevator music. Is it not nifty? As you step
out of the elevator, all seems safe. Glide over the first two lasers and take
the chocolate if you need it, then start over the next one. As you do, the
hatch above you will open. Jump back over the lasers, whip out your guns, and
fire away. Cross the lasers again and try to go around the corner. You'll be
greeted by two more Tediz. With them out of the way, grab the chocolate in the

Partway down the hallway is a guy with a flamethrower. You can't hurt him, so
just wait for him to pause and dash through. On the other side, two Tediz and
another flamethrower guy are waiting. Gun down the Tediz, dart past the flames
when they stop, and watch out for another flamethrower beyond the crates. Four
Tediz will charge around the corner after you pass him, and another one will
drop out of the hatch in the ceiling around the corner. Edge forward and pass
between the lasers to meet another hatch-dropper, a crate-jumper, and a circler
all at the same time. 

The next corridor holds some lasers and three flamethrowers. Once the first
flamethrower pauses, you can clear all the lasers in one hover, and from there,
it's just a matter of waiting for the pause and running. At the end of the 
hallway, have your guns ready and pointed at head level around the area of the
corner, 'cause a whole mess of Tediz is about to come pouring around it. Turn
the corner and pick up the chocolate. Another enemy will drop out of the hatch
above you. OK, tricky laser time. Jump over the low ones and crawl under the 
high ones. Are you a bad enough dude to space your jumps right? 

Casualty Dept.
Wow, look at all the blood... As the Tediz notice Conker, they'll switch back
to their usual nonsensical chatter. Disappointing, really. Still, amusing. The
"doctors" use needles, but don't let them get close enough to do it. Clear out 
the room and head for the corner. There's a poor little squirrel strapped into 
a chair, ready for execution. Pick a lever. His fate has already been decided.

Dang. Pull the other lever to open the door. You'll find yourself face-to-face
with a turret gun. Uh-oh... Better take cover behind a crate until he stops to
reload. Dash from crate stack to crate stack until you hit the last one, then
run over to the crates to the left of the gunner. Duck behind the first aid
crate, then run around behind him. Climb the rope to the right of the turret
gun. That's the gunner's left, your right. Duck behind the pipe at the top, 
then run to the end of that particular crate stack to find a B Pad, complete 
with bazooka. Don't worry, be happy. Blast the fuzzy bastard and take his seat.

A wave of Tediz will start pouring in from the right, then another from the 
left. One last wave from both sides, then you're free to go through the door
that just opened. Note the master plan on the wall, then hightail it through
the tunnel beside it. 

Saving Private Rodent
As Conker steps out, he'll witness a poor li'l squirrel about to be executed by
firing squad. Play the hero and gun them down, even though the guy's wearing
some sort of bulletproof armor. If you do it right, you should be able to shoot
right down the row of Tediz before they can retaliate with a grenade. 

Conker will stroll over to talk to Rodent, who will tell him about the armor.
You can't have any. Sorry. You'll just have to walk behind him to reap the 
benefits of his armor. Step out into the battlefield...

Hm, looks like they're bringing out the bombers. Not to worry. You get a shadow
as warning of an approaching bomb. Just stay out of its way, no harm done. 
Occasionally, Rodent will tell you to get behind him. When he does, do it. A
mine is approaching. Pick your way along until you reach a bridge, then jump 
into the water and swim to the purple raft. Press B to whip out a Bazooka and
use that to shoot the four lights in front of you. When all four have been hit,
the lock will fall and the door will open. Go in. 

Chemical Warfare
Ooooooo, a Class 22! So new, so shiny, so full of cool buttons... Hop in and
blast the door with the radiation symbol for now. With that out of the way, 
climb out and go in through the new hole. Jump down into the tunnel.

Along this hallway are three little pits of toxic goo. Stepping into one of 
these will send Conker flying, but it will also do a lot of damage, and he's
likely to fall back in the same place. Don't fall in. Instead, leap across, 
then leap back as a mine approaches. It will fall into the goo and detonate, 
which means no more problems for Conker. There are three of these pits in the
corridor, and at the end, a switch. Pull the switch, then turn around and run.
Hop over the goo pits and scurry for the exit before the goo can catch up with

The Tower
There's a gun on top of the tower that spins around relatively slowly. If it 
fires on the tank, it doesn't do any damage, but if it hits Conker, you're 
screwed. It will get two or three hits in before you can move, then strike 
again as soon as you do. The Tediz, on the other hand, fire explosives at you. 
These can harm the tank, so get out of the way before they blow. To avoid the 
gun when Conker is out of the tank, just don't hop out until it's facing the 
other way.

Back to the tank. Get in and drive through the open door. Aim for the base of
the tower and hit the yellow and black stripy thing at the bottom, then jump
out of the tank, glide across the chasm, and knock down the bridge with an 
anvil to the end. Drive across, crunching Tediz on the way, to the next such 
bridge. Repeat the process. Don't get shot into the chasm. Do this with each
leg of the tower until it collapses. When it does, take Conker across the log
and down into the pit. 

Little Girl
Conker will fall down into an area with a large lake. As he crosses the bridge,
a submarine will pop up and stare at you. Approach the little girl in the 
center of the island to learn about missiles. Now, the simple fact that she 
knows should clue in Conker, but he wants to rescue her anyway. Go to the end
of the rightmost pier (it's behind a big column thing). At the end is a B pad, 
so stand somewhere and wait for the missile to fire, then jump on and pull out 
a bazooka. Scan the water and wait for the sub to surface, then fire away. 
Blast all the subs at a pier before moving on to the next one. When all the 
subs are gone, go up to the little girl to try to rescue her.

The Experiment
So, this is the master plan from the Casualty Dept.? Looks like something from
an eighth grade science project. It works a lot better, though. Run into the
tank before it can move. When they whip out the little guns, wait for the 
firing to pause, then blast them off with your tank. The Experiment will start
chasing you. If it gets close enough, it will pick up your tank and throw it
down again. Run into the base of one of the columns and blast off the little
girl. The body will go chasing after it. Aim for the hole in its back and fire

The next weapon, the Magneto Laser, comes next. Run out and blast each of the
arms of the laser to make it go away, then it's back to hitting the little girl
and the back of the body. That done...

Ah, missiles! OK, your tank is probably aiming off to the side at this point, 
so just keep moving and keep it pointed at the Experiment. Fire in the general
direction of missile launches to get rid of them. One more time against the 
little girl and the hole, and it's all over... Or is it? A mass of mines will
hit the tank, blowing it up. Conker and Rodent will be thrown out, but only one
of them will live to tell the tale. 

Great, self-destruct mechanism. You've got less than five minutes to get out of
here alive. Jump into the hole in front of Conker to find yourself back in the
hallways. Not as many Tediz this time, but plenty of lasers. Let's hope you're 
good at jumping over these things. I'm not really sure how to help you here; 
just practice your laser jumping until you can get out. After the first 
hallway, two Tediz will pop out, so have your guns ready. When you reach a 
seemingly empty room, don't run for the doorway. It's rigged. Lasers will pop
up and Tediz will attack. Be ready for that. Press B to whip out a bazooka and
blast away the Tediz. One will fly through the laser trap. Follow him. 

You'll end up back on the beach. There are Tediz with bazookas patrolling the
area, and the guns are still going, but the guns won't hit you. It's just the
Tediz you have to worry about. 

Duck behind the first barrier and step out. Wait for one of the Tediz to start 
walking towards you, then fire away. The next barrier will protect you as 
another bazooka-toting bear steps up. Aim for his head and blow him away before
he stops to shoot at you. Behind the fence, another one will have blown himself
up trying to hit you.

This next part is the trickiest. There are two Tediz waiting for you right now.
Run to the barrier and stay on the right side of it. Edge slowly over until you
can get your crosshairs on the one to the right, then swing over to the left 
and repeat the process for that one. Run over to the fence on the left and have
your bazooka ready. As you pass the point at which the second of the last two
Tediz was standing, three Tediz will pop up. Immediately blast the one in front
of you, then swing to the right and hit that one. Run up to the barrier and use
the lean-out tactics to get the last one, then put away your bazooka and get
your ass outta there pronto.

Peace At Last!
Watch the cutscene and head back to Windy. Our job here is done. 


Ah, so close to being done... We've reached the last chapter. It's a bit tough,
but nothing compared to that last one. And it's a whole heckuva lot shorter, 
too! Not all is good, though.

The Windmill's Dead
As you step out into Windy, things look pretty normal, except the big chunk of
stone pinning down the Queen Bee like something out of the Wizard of Oz. Climb
up the mountain (no more worms here). You'll run into Rodent at the top. 
Apparently, he was traveling fast enough to demolish the windmill upon impact.
When he goes away, hop into the runes of the foundation and go out through the
hole. You'll end up by the Feral Reserve Bank. Go talk to the Boss. 

Your caveman escapades put him out of business, so he'll give you a job to do
to put him back into it. And, lucky Conker, Berri gets to come along, too. Once
you have your cool new outfit, head for the revolving doors and go in.

Enter the Vertex
Ah, Matrix parodies up the wazoo... After the initial cutscene, run behind the
first pillar. Wait for the weasels to yell, "Regroup!" then hit B on one of 
the context pads to do a cool little leap thing. Gun down both weasels as you
do so. Two more weasels will appear, so do it again, then Berri will disable
the lasers. Move on to the next column. 

This time, three weasels are hanging around. Same deal, but you may want to 
start your jump before they actually stop firing so you can get all three 
before you land again. You'll have to work out the timing on that one yourself.
When the second wave is out of the picture, Conker will do some mad Matrix 
stuff, and it's on to the next pillar.

Same deal as the last time, and when it's over, more Matrix fun. The last one
is just the same with an extra weasel, only it's Berri doing the little action
clip thing when all the weasels are gone. When you're completely done here, 
step into the elevator. Don't worry, these lasers aren't like the ones in the 
last chapter. Berri will disable them. Run into the vault. 

Remember the cheese in Barn Boys? Same deal. Hit three bits of cash with your
frying pan and pick them up. From there, Conker will take over. When he's a 
millionaire, things take a harsh turn for the worst. Watch the cutscene. Bet
you weren't expecting THAT, eh? Where's Sigourney Weaver when you need her? 
When it's all over, run over to the switch under the throne and hit it. The 
fairy king will be sucked out. Hop into the suit that just showed up.

The Vault
OK, let's kick some alien ass. Punch it a few times to knock it down, then run
around and grab the tail. Now, who hasn't played Super Mario 64? Spin your
control stick faster and faster until the alien isn't scraping the floor and 
toss it through the airlock. Do this three times to defeat it. After the first
one, you'll have to watch out. It will start spinning around, and it won't let
you punch it. When it looks like it's about to spin, jump and hang in there 
until he does it. It bites, too. When it tries, hit Z to block, then whale on
it with B. The third time it lunges a lot, so it should be easy to stun him.
Hitting him is another story. When you DO get him out the third time...

OK, this is getting entirely too silly. Enough of this alien garbage. What's
this? The game's locked up. Well, that makes thing much easier. Conker will 
sort out the game's problems, ending it all. And there's more fun Matrix stuff,

End Cutscene
Do you really need help with this? Just watch, you sillyhead. Oh, and long live
the king!

                        .:*~*:.  { 5.  Codes }  .:*~*:.

A lot of people have emailed codes to me, but I don't remember who any of you
are. I'd like to thank you, but I can't really single anyone out. Sorry. 
Besides, I can't seem to find my descriptions for any of the codes and I'm too
lazy to look around to see what they do. Help me if you care.

                         .:*~*:.  { 6. FAQs }  .:*~*:.

Ask me something... I'm tired.

                   .:*~*:.  { 7. Revision History }  .:*~*:.

v1.0 - March 06, 2001
The very first version. I'd heard a lot of people saying they'd be doing guides
for this, so, being paranoid as I am, I rushed out, bought the game, and 
started the guide as soon as I got home. I regret to say that the entire first
version consisted of the Instruction Manual and the very first chapter of the
walkthrough. My legal info was probably bigger than the rest of the guide.

v2.0 - March 09, 2001
This time, a bit of work was done on the walkthrough, and also a bunch of weird
little errors and typos were fixed. A few readers submitted various codes, most
of which were repeats, and these were also added. Not really worthy of an 
upgrade to 2.0, especially given that the standard numbering system usually 
doesn't even hit 1.0 until the work in creation has hit its final stage of
production. My numbering's whack. Sorry.

v3.0 - March 10, 2001
Another bad number change on my part. The walkthrough for Barn Boys is done, as
well as a few other small changes. Nothing really significant. I'm not a very
steady or productive worker on most days. Sometimes inspiration strikes, 

v3.2 - July 11, 2002
It's been awhile. I haven't added much. Bats Tower and part of Sloprano are in,
though. Total reformat, too. w00t.

v3.3 - July 14, 2002
All the way up to Spooky, sort of. It stops halfway through. Also some cheats
and a bit of multiplayer strategy. It all needs work. I don't want to work. 
Alternate strategies for anything are welcome, especially for the Multiplayer

v4.0 - August 11, 2002
I FINISHED THE WALKTHROUGH! I feel so warm and fuzzy inside... I also yanked
out the Multiplayer section, 'cause I suck at multiplayer. There are other FAQs
out there to read with this. Look at them instead.

               .:*~*:.  { 8. Copyright & Contact Info }  .:*~*:.

This document is copyright © 2001 Bananagirl ([email protected])

This document was written exclusively for use on the internet. It is not 
intended to be used in any way that is profitable for anyone, including the 
author. It is not to be reproduced in any way without express written 
permission from the author. 

The information found within the document is, to the best of the abilities 
and knowledge of the author, 100% accurate. However, the possibility exists 
that inaccurate information may be found within. Any errors (human, computer, 
or otherwise) should be reported to the author As soon as possible. 

If you would like to use this document on/in your web site, magazine, or 
other published work, please contact the author and obtain permission before 
doing so. 

Conker, Conker's BFD, Conker's Bad Fur Day, Nintendo 64, Nintendo, and all
characters, locations, etc., are trademarks of Rare and/or Nintendo. The
author makes no claim to the creation of these.

Don't email me unless you have something useful to say. It isn't nice. Also,
don't email me if you're going to send it to everyone else with a FAQ for the
game. That also isn't nice.

                    .:*~*:.  { 9. Credits/Thanks }  .:*~*:.
   Bananagirl ([email protected])

Thanks to:
   A whole lotta people, including (but not limited to)...

- AstroBlue
- Scott Zdankiewicz
- Jason Leisure
- Thanos Necrosis
- Hunter S. Thompson


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                          :tGGi,,,;LDf,iEt    K;tK    
                        tDLi,,;tLDGi,;DL.     jLE:    

               __ )                                     _)      |
               __ \   _` | __ \   _` | __ \   _` |  _` | |  __| |
               |   | (   | |   | (   | |   | (   | (   | | |    |
              ____/ \__,_|_|  _|\__,_|_|  _|\__,_|\__, |_|_|   _|
                             [email protected]

             .:*~*:.  { Copyright ©2001-2002 Bananagirl }  .:*~*:.

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