A hommage to Raymond Chandler, Humphrey Bogart and Terry Pratchett.
+Legal mumbo jumbo & stuff:
+(c) 1999 quattro the terrible for The Spoiler Centre
+Discworld Noir is a whathever thyngie of Perfect Entertainment +and some other one of GTi.
+Please, do not cut, paste, recycle or modify this text. I'll come +down to you and make diverse
sounds. Beating included. For a +pointed stick, you pay extra. Yeah, typos and bad grammar are
Now to the game. Intro skipped.
You Lewton. You detective. You meet cool chick. Chick talks much. Chick leaves. So do you.
The only location open is Wharf. Go there, talk to the guy on the boat, adn ignore sailor in the
back. The clues you need to use are: Passengers, Two mysterious passangers, Milka. You need to talk
out of him where the captain is (in Cafe Ankh). Go to Cafe Ankh.
DO not go into the cafe just yet. Turn right and steal crowbar form the cart. Naw proceed to Cafe.
Talk to Nobby about everything, so he gets sick of you and tells you location of pseudopolis yard
(use plain conversation, then Captain Vimes, and Mysterious passangers). Try talk to captain, but
he's an idiot and won't let you see Milka's cabins. Ok, back to Milka, but now with crowbar. Use it
on the crates (the sailor should be gone) and you'll be transfered to Milka's cargo hold. Examine it
and pick up label, then exit hold and go to cabins (left door). Examine lower bed, you'll find a
scrap of cardboard. Exit cabins and try to leave the ship. Eventually, Lewton will jump into water
and you'll find yourself in your office.
Go to Pseudopolis Yard, talk to Nobby about mysterious passengers. After exit, Malachite will appear,
asking (er, demanding) you to find Therma. You also gain access to Octarine Parrot. Go there and talk
to troll singer Sapphire about Malachite (opens Rhodan's workshop) and Therma (gives Madam Lodestone
clue). Return to Nobby and ask fim about Madame. He'll tell you she's dead and buried in Mausoleum.
Go there and try to find Therma's tomb. No luck.
Return to Cafe Ankh. Ye gods! Ilsa! Blah blah blah, obligatory angry guy scene. Tlak to her and
passengers become Ilsa and Two Conkers. Use the label from hold as a dialog option ang you'll get
access to Pier five. Don't go there just yet, first rreturn to tour office and talk to Al Khali. Now
go to pier five and talk to guard. Not very helpful, eh? Return to your office and pick up invitation
from the floor. Carlotta invites you to von Uberwald Mansion. Go there.
Gawd, i hate that butler. While he's gone, look at the painting and Carlotta will appear. Talk to her
about mausoleum and she'll help you. While she changes, the Count would like to see you. Talk to him,
then leave to Mausoleum. Carlotta finds a tomb, where Therma (supposedly) is. Now return to Mansion
and talk to butler about count. He'll slip about missing companion, now go and talk to Count about
it. He'll give you an iconograph of Regin the dwarf.
It is time to find Amlachite. He's in Rhodan's workshop. Ignore rhodan and proceed to the back of
workshop, where Malachite is. Tell him about Therma (Therma in vault). And you both shall go to
Mausoleum. Not Therma. Damn. Take the troll's tooth out of remains, then return to workshop and take
With hook, go to Pier 5 turn aroud the corner and use grappling hook on skylight (some other report
there is some ledge tag. Not in my case) slimb to the roof and use crowbar on skylight, then jump in
nad pick up torn matchbook. Combine matchbook with a scrap of paper and return to Octarine Parrot.
Talk to bartender about Mundy and then use matchbook to proof he's lying. He'll tell you mundy is
upstairs. That concludes Act 1.
After Watch guys leave you alone, look at the rope. Use rope clue on Mundy's boots and examine his
boots closely. Something is missing. Also look at message on the wall and use clue Hung upside down
on message. Uh, ah, it is not a word, it is a number. Return to bartender and use the same topic
(hung upside down) on him, then continue with Cut down and finish with Boots. You'll recieve a coin.
Talk to him also about Sapphire lied? clue and he'll tell you about her being in a dressing room, and
about secret meeting. Talk to Sapphire in dressing room, she apparently has a load of money. That
reveals you the location of Saturnalia casino.
Return to Milka and show Regin's picture to First mate. He'll tell you Regin picked up Carriage. Go
to Nobby and talk about Carriage, he'll tell you abour speeding cart towards Maudlin bridge. Return
to Wharf, Milka left. Take the rope and combine it with grappling hook, then head to bridge. Look at
skidmarks, there is something in river. Try to get it with hook, but you are too weak. Malachite
comes to mind, but later. Now go to Saturnalia and talk to rightmost croupier. Bribe him and he'll
tell you Sapphire is always losing. Return to your office, and you'll find Al Khali again. He will
take you to Horst and he wants you to brind him a golden falchion. Now return to Sapphire and tell
ger about losing, about secret meeting and then confront her with facts. Return to Saturnalia casino.
Oh, Ilsa again. With Two Conkers. And an assassin. You shouldn't mess with him, but you are a P.I
after all. OK. Talk to Carlotta about sword. You end up at her place. Talk to her about Milka's cargo
to recieve shipping order. Romantic scene included.
Now what with order? Go to Pier 5 and show the order to guard. He'll let you in and you'll get the
clues about Milka's cargo.
Find Malachite (in workshop) and ask him to help you. You found Regin. Look into cart and try to take
a small bow. Malachite will claim it's Therma's and he will take it. Now examine Regin's body and
compare the body with iconograph. He's bald on the picture, but looks quite hairy. OK, so you found
the key. Big deal. Tje key fits into the locker in Saturnalia, but you don't know that yet, so talk
about it with croupier. That will give you the access to the lockers. Use key on lockers and you'll
recieve an evenlope and lucky charm. Return to Mansion and tell the butler (yuck!) to see the Count.
Speak with count about Regin's murder, and then about lucky charm. The Count seems ot be an expert in
biology, as it seems:)
Ok, back to Cafe Ankh. Talk to Samael (at the table Ilsa was before) about wine barrels and collect
the key to the cellar. Go to cellar (trapdoor, where you picked a crowbar) and you will find... Ilsa.
Talk to her about Varberg Crates so she'll ask you about hiding place. Sure, baby, later. Also look
at receipts on the desk to see that barrels are regularly delivered to Patrician, Lord Vetinari (by
the way, his first name is Havelock. Hmm... Hahahaha!)
In your office there is a note form Sapphire. She arranged a meeting with Therma on the rooftops.
Happy happy, run to Malachite with good news. Which turn out to be bad news for him. He dies, you get
knocked out again, and Watch guys are sure you are the murderer. Damn. Speak whatever you like during
the interrogation, you'll end up in a cell.
Damn. Nothing to do here. And i mean NOTHING! Wait, till rat runs along and dissapears in a rathole
in the wall. Search the crack, nov mnove the block and you'll end up in Disk's greatest inventor's
(but he's not so terribly good with names) cell. Talk to him, then move to the upper part of cell and
look into hole in he wall. That will trigger Nobby coming for you and setting you free. You'll get
your things back, minus crowbar. Return to patrician's palace and look at the wall, then use the
Hiding place Clue on the wall.
Return to Ilsa and move Two Conkers to Leonard's cell. Ah, two soulmates. Ilsa gives you access to
inner sanctum in Archeologists guild. Speak to Lara Croft, pardon, Laredo Cronk and then move to
Horst and tell him about Laredo. Return to her, tell her about note form Horst and she'll leave. Now
examine the bookcase nad pull the hinged book. Fireplace will open. Follow the path to the Vault 51
and try to disable the lock. No good. Return to Saturnalia and talk to wizard until he slips
something about security locks, then trade lucky charm for a backdoor. Back to Vault and use Backdoor
clue on security system panel. Poof! Enter Vault 51 and use Mundy's clue (3712V) on crates. It looks
you found some urns. Cut the glass With Troll's tooth and break the urn. Leave the Guild and die.
You wolf. You talk to Gaspode. You smell. You learn to save smells into your smell database. You pay
attention to purple smell with dots. You trace smell to Saturnalia. You Lewton again. Turn back into
wolf nad smell the green. Back to fuman shape, and pick up the moss. Return to your office and catch
nobby robbing everything not nailed. You got the crowbar back (if not, you can always pick one up at
the cart by the wine cellar) and murder clues. Turn into a wolf and smell the purple smell. Go to
Mansion and ask to see Carlotta. While butler's gone, turn into a wolf and you'll find out Carlotta
is a wolf, too. Blah blah blah, on the end, go and talk to the Count, but he's dying. And Death is
also talkative anthorpomorphic personification. All in all, ask count about the moss, and you'll gain
access to the Library. Searcj the index cards about the Moss to get sewers clue, and then use Sewers
on index cards to gain access to them. Go to sewers and turn into a wolf. Trace the purple smell
through several screens till it dissapears in in a left niche. Go there and examine the debris.
You'll find a beetle amulet. Talk to Death of Rats if you want and leave.
Two Conkers is an archeologist. Show him the beetle for Temple of Anu Anu clue. Now go to the
Octarine parrot and examine notices on the board. Unseen University needs help. Also, talk to
bartender about Merchant murder (to gain access to Merchant's Guild) and lastly, go to Sapphire
dressingo room. Turn into a wolf and smell the perfume (leftmost bottle). Turn back to human and take
the perfume. Head to UU and talk to Mrs. Formes about the job, about wizard's murder and pointy
boots. Go and make the beds (yea rite!). Turn into a wolf and examine octarine board. Back to human
shape and search the unlockers. One has books in it. Look at the books and then change the writing on
a board with Anu Anu Temple clue. Proceed (damn, I LIKE that word!) through the door on the left and
talk to Bledlow about murder. You'll find out wizard was poisoned.
Now to the patrician's palace and around the corner. Turn into a wolf and smell the barrels. Use your
smellbase to compare smells. Return to Wine cellar and use crowbar on a barrel. You'll end up in
Palace. Turn into wolf again and smell. Back to human shape, exit the cellar and walk the corridor
until you find double doors. Turn into a wolf and listen. Now run away and you'll end up in your
office, with assasin as your guest. Bun now you know Patrician's clerk was drowned. What about
To the merchant's guild and talk to guy about pointy boots. Duh, what a prick. Go and see Count (in
fact, Death). Talk to Death about merchant murder, eventually he'll slip and tell you about merchant
being strangled. Oh, bugger. Return to UU and search the locker. There is a book about temples. Use
it to open the beetle and you'll end up with list of names. Next stop: Cafe Ankh.
Carlotta is waiting for you. Tell her about Mundy hanging and then ask her if she killed him.
Continue with dwarf's and troll's murder until she speaks of Errata. She has an alibi always being
into the Temple of Small Gods. Head there and talk to priest Mooncalf (Anu Anu follower) about the
list, exit the temple and turn around the corner to Cemetery. Move to stained glass window (behind
Mooncalf) and turn into a wolf. It seems he's talking to a troll about meeting of True Believers.
Return to temple and speak to the other priest (next to the entrance), Malaclypse. Ask him about
Errata nad True Believers, eventually, he'll speak of the Inner sanctum. Ask him about it and he will
get you there.
Now search the lectern and get into cavity. When you see Mooncalf' boots, spray them with perfume.
After ceremony you shall foollow him to the Sanctuary. Listen to the meeting until you get chased
off. You got a Nylonathatep clue.
Return to Sanctuary and examine wall, then a strange symbol and you'll make a drawing of it. Return
to Count's library and find more about both Nylonathatep and strange symbol. Back to sanctuary. Now
use EVERY murder clue (there should be 6 of them) on map of Ankh-Morpork. You'll gain access to
Wizard's Pleasaunce and Dagon street and also to Dysk Theatre. Go to Dysk nad pick up flyer on the
chair. And yet again to Coun's library. Use flyer with index cards to learn about Great tragedies.
Dysk, here we come again. Go close to stage and turn into wolf. You'll se a smell dissapearing under
a stage. Turn back to human and examine unusual marks. Use sign of Eel on marks and stage will open.
Look, a temple. Use Great Tragedies clue on altar and porceed to Dagon street. There is a shop. Use
crowbar on boards, barring window to get into it. Search debris and examine a bone. Tough luck. Hurry
to Wizard's Pleasaunce and hide in the bushes. Enjoy a very long and talkful sequence. Act 3 is over.
Ye gods, it is on us again to save the world. And i do HATE tentacle thyngies (no more hentai for ya,
bro). Ah well. Look at writing on the wall and search the debris to get Falchion back. Return to
Count just to find out, he died. But you still do have access to the library. Search again for
Nylonblahblah to find out about a crystal (some Radiant Trapezohedron). Return to leonard and discuss
about different geometry schools. Two conkers is much more helpful, giving you the star map. In
Sanctuary you'll find Kondo nad kill him. Search his body and take the amulet (looks like propeller
to me). Poroceed to Temple of small gods and poke Mooncalf till he commits suicide with a style. Ah,
before that, use the amulet as a topic. Now, Mooncalf told you about Foid. But he doesn't know where
he is. There is someone who does. GO to workshop and to the place, Malachiute used to be. There are
some plastered bandages. Show them to Rhodan and make him sing where Foid is. He's in the cottage in
Dagon street, next to shop. Open door and talk to him about Kondo, Falchion, amulet and stuff till he
reveals a Satrap's contact - Gelid. Rush to UU, and Mrs will fire you. Damn. No way to get to tha
idiot now. Return to Nobby and blackmail him for search warrant. Armed with one return to UU and show
it to Mrs. Fast to the door, where you find a pool of blood. Turn into a wolf and trace the trail to
Talk to Satrap and fight him. You win, he dies. Now go to telescope, pickup astrolabe and use map on
constellatioons drawn on a floor. It looks The Small Group of Boring Stars is the constellation you
are looking for. By the way, Discworld freaks will remember Rincewind born under that sign! Tell the
Golem to turn tje telescope ot TSGoBS and look through it. The jewel is in the Mausoleum. GO there
and use astrolabe on the sky. Now use grotesque to open the crypt.
Now, how to open the sarcophagus? Use Mundy,s coin on the indent. Talk to zombie and demand the jewel
(falchion makes miracles). Wow, we got i---
We don't got it. There is that fat troll demanding the sword in exchange for Ilsa. Of darn. In your
office, use de jewel to locate Horst and head to Maudlin bridge. Kill him, arrest Carlotta and be
Return to Leonard's cell. Clean the debris at the hole and talk to Leonard. Now ty to fly an
Falpping-wing-flying-device and Ilsa will appear to remind you about protection. Use the sign of Eel
on a plane and fly it again. WE WIN! They lose! She leaves... Don't become a private eye. It WILL
break your heart.
greetz to the Spoiler centre, Crash, Gayle, nick and Unwashed Villagers.
I repeat again, you CAN pulfer this walkthrough as long it is credited to me, me and ME! All
questions, errors omissions and especially gifts (if you feel generous) should be sent to