Dave's Not-So-Official-But-Fairly-Decent Walkthrough of:

          Leisure Suit Larry 7: Love For Sail!

(NOTE:  This walkthrough skips a lot of "low-point" bonus items  that
can  give you a maximum score.  This walkthrough will NOT give you  a
1,000 (maximum) score...find the bonus stuff yourself!)

SECOND  NOTE:  Despite all previous rumors, there is  NOT  a  lesbian
survivalist-type  character  in this game  by  the  name  of  Militia
Etheredge.

1.} Well, when last we left our hero (Larry's a HERO?), he was having
a  most  interesting  evening with Shamara Payne (Sham-Payne).   This
game  begins at the end of that evening...with Shamara (who you spent
HOURS  trying to get to in LSL 6) dumping you and leaving you chained
to   her  bed...and  indirectly  starting  the  bed  on  fire.    Oh,
GRRRREAAATTT...well, take the hair kit on the  table  on  the  right.
Then  take  the  vice  grips on the table on  the  left.   Open  your
inventory (right-click your mouse & choose Inventory), open the  hair
weave  kit, use the needle with the vice grips.  Close the  inventory
and  use the bent needle on the handcuffs.  Click on the patio  glass
doors  and choose the "Other" option to type in "Break."  Ooh, not  a
good paper cut (the second one, that is)...after a very silly jump to
the floor and an intro cut-scene, you'll wind up on a cruise ship  in
front  of  the Purser's desk.  Open your map (right click and  choose
Map)  and choose Cabin 0 (bottom porthole, furthest to right).   Take
the  toilet  paper and the spray can that's attached to  the  toilet.
Open your map and go to the Proud L'il Seaman Lounge.  Open your  map
and  choose the "Sexual Prowess Competition" (look through  the  pink
rectangular bunch o' rooms on the largest deck).  Use the TMT card on
the  machine  on  the  left.  A score of 2,  huh?   Gee,  GREAT  job,
Larry...

2.}  Well, open your map and go to the swimming pool.  Talk  to  Dick
(no,  I  mean  the lifeguard).  When you get past him, talk  to  Drew
Baringmore (urrgh, another bad pun... as if Captain Thygh weren't bad
enough...) about her book (getting the book), clothing (how the plant
is  placed conveniently on BOTH sides of your view is beyond  me...),
"drink,"  then "Gigantic Erection."  No, I'm serious.  Now  take  the
magazine  on  the  table  on  the right  (you'll  read  a  little  of
it...something about the mother/daughter C&W act).  Open the map  and
choose the library (right next to the purser's desk).  Take the green
book  on  the  right  shelf...it's about the famous  inventor,  Anton
Fokker (and it's by Drew).  Now take the blue book on the left  side,
bottom  shelf, about Electromagnetism.  Okay, now move the cursor  up
the screen until it turns into a right-pointing arrow (indicating  to
walk to the other side of the library).  Click it to walk over there.
Talk  to  the  librarian.  Choose "Other" for a subject and  type  in
anything  (something  weird,  maybe...like  'negative  polarity'   or
whatever).   She'll  turn around and start typing  on  the  computer.
When she does, take the mucilage on the desk.  Also take the book she
was reading (if you have time.  If not, choose "Other" under the Talk
section  again  and give her another weird subject to look  up...THEN
get the book).  Open your inventory.  Select "Prudish and Proud" (her
book)  and  remove the jacket.  Use the Prudish and Proud cover  with
the  book  you  got from Drew ("The Erotic Adventures Of  Hercules").
Close  the inventory and say Goodbye to the librarian... who, by  the
way,  goes  by the name of Victorian Principles (Sheesh, another  bad
pun!)   She'll take "her" book back.  Walk out of the library to  the
atrium,  then  walk back IN to the library.  Note  how  the  music  &
lighting at the back changes?  Walk around the corner again, and talk
to V.P. about the weather.  Oh my.  Fade to part three.

3.}  Open  your  map and go back to the library.  Go  around  to  the
librarian's desk again and talk to her.  Serious downer.  Choose  the
subjects  "sex,"  "Prove  it,"  then  "Luvmaster  2000."   After  the
librarian  beats the Luvmaster 2000 for you, open the map and  go  to
the  swimming  pool.  Walk past Dick, and talk to Drew.   Go  through
every  conversation  topic.  Great-you've got to find  her  suitcase,
huh?  Open your map and go to the promenade deck.  Open the fire hose
storage and take the fire hose.  Walk over to the woman with the peg-
leg  and  eyepatch (you may have to roam around a bit to  find  her).
Talk  to  her  about  any  subjects you  feel  like  discussing,  but
especially the pegleg and a cabin boy.  Peggy is, without a doubt, my
favorite  character  on the entire ship.  I must admit,  juvenile  or
not,  I was laughing my butt off with the constant stream of "bleeps"
from this woman.  When you finish, go to the "Employees Only" section
of the ship.  Despite the guns, go push the door on the opposite end.
Take the red wire on the right side (jumper wire).  Take the tube  of
KZ  Jelly.  Read all the messages on the bulletin board.  Look at the
lockers.   NOW what?  Go BACK to the promenade deck.  Find Peggy  and
talk to her about first the Break Room, then choose "Other," and type
in  "Locker."   Okay, open your map and go to the Break  Room  again.
Open the second locker from the left in the bottom row....

4.}  Unnecessary steps (everything in #4 can be skipped, if you don't
mind  sacrificing  a few points): Type in ALMOST  any  three  2-digit
numbers.  If you didn't pick the right combination, open the map  and
go  back  to the promenade deck.  Walk around a while-when  you  find
Peggy,  talk  to her about the combination.  Naturally.   Isn't  that
combination what you GUESSED it might be?  Then go back to the  break
room.

5.}  Open  the second locker from the left on the bottom  row  again.
Type  in  "38-24-36."  Walk into the room (up & left-pointing  arrow)
Talk  to  the  guy  sitting there, and go through all  the  available
topics.  Also choose to buy the dirty pictures).  Open the map and go
to  the promenade deck.  Find Peggy AGAIN and talk to her about  this
guy (Xqwzts, I think his name is).  Go through all topics.  Open your
map  and go back to the employee break room.  Open the second  locker
from  the left (same combination: 38-24-36), and walk into the  room.
Talk  to  the  guy  about all topics, including  Travelling  and  the
passport.   Go  to  the purser's desk.  Talk to Peter Purser...choose
"Other"  and  type Passport.  Open your inventory.  Use the  mucilage
with  the  dirty  pictures, then use the sticky  photo  on  the  room
keycard.   Close your inventory and use the photo ID on Peter.   Open
your  map  and go back to the break room.  Walk into the room  behind
the  lockers and talk to the guy again about the passport.   Use  the
passport on him-he'll vanish.  Take the key he leaves behind  on  the
left  (has  a  little gold skull on it to indicate a "skeleton  key")
Open  your map and go to the forward hold.  Use the Custodial Key  on
the  door.  After wandering a few seconds, a gorilla hits you with  a
suitcase.   It's Drew's...take it, then open your map and go  to  the
swimming  pool.  Talk to Dick, then talk to Drew about the  suitcase.
You'll  wind  up  in your room again.  While Drew's showering  (which
goes on forever if you don't do something), use the fire house on the
toilet,  then  flush  the toilet.  After you nearly  drown  and  Drew
leaves, go anywhere else on the ship (the atrium's a safe spot), then
go  BACK  to your room.  Notice the shower now has some mold  in  it.
Take it.

6.}  Go  up  to the horseshoes competition (look around; you'll  find
it...).  Walk to the right, onto the Poop Deck (no comment).  Hmmm...
two blonds with big...hairdos.  In the sauna pool.  Wydoncha & Nailmi
Jugg  (Now  THAT one is BAAAAAAAD) Look at 'em, then go  through  all
conversation topics (the response to the "pickup line" HURTS!)   Open
the  map  and  go  to the Heavin' Ho Restaurant.  Talk  to  the  meat
carver.  Take the S'pork (the pig thing).  Repeat until he leaves  to
get  more.  Take the carving knife and the heat lamp while he's gone.
Open  the map and go to the Proud L'il Seaman's Lounge.  Walk to  the
back  (click the arrow on the bottom right of the screen).   Talk  to
Johnson  (the guy in the window) about every topic.  Choose  Gigantic
Erection  last.   When he goes away to make that,  exit  the  closeup
(click the "U-turn arrow" on the side of the screen) and click on the
door  to  the  left  of Johnson's window.  See  the  blue  bottle  of
deoderant on the left?  Use the silicone lubricant on it.  Then  push
the  red  button  at the rear of the room on the shelves.   Exit  the
room,  and  look  at  the lighting truss that's come  down  from  the
ceiling.  Take the spotlight bulb.  Use the heat lamp bulb on it (how
convenient-it fits).  Then open your map and go somewhere else.  Head
BACK to the lounge and...oh my again.

7.}  Open your map and go back to the lounge.  Click the arrow up the
wood steps on the right of the stage to go up to the stage, then take
the  "clothing chase lights" that are on the right rail.   Walk  left
and  pick  up  the remote control (it's the thing with  the  big  red
button).   Open the map and go to the El Replicant Sculpture  Garden.
Look  at  the  foot  of the Venus DeMilo.  Take dice  from  the  toe,
destroying  the statue.  Walk out (down) into the Atrium,  then  back
the  way  you  came into the Sculpture Garden.  Climb the scaffolding
(click  the  "up"  arrow  on  one  of  the  ladders)  and  take   the
screwdriver.   Use the chase lights on the iron spike  sticking  down
from  the  ceiling.  Click the down arrow to go back down, then  open
the  inventory.   Turn on the remote control.  Close  the  inventory.
Open  your map and go to the horseshoe competition.  Use the TMT card
on the centaur's rear end (no comment).  Open your inventory and Turn
On  the  remote control.  Close your inventory, then play horseshoes.
Take  the TMT card back from the centaur's butt (ewwww...)  Open your
map  and go to the Heavin' Ho restaurant.  Go to the left side of the
table  and  look  for the bowl of bean dip.  Eat the bean  dip  three
times (three guesses why...) then open your map and go to the Pair O'
Dice casino.  Walk up to the craps table (full of James Bond clones).
Click on yourself and choose the "Fart" option).  Ah-ha.  So much for
the  competition.   Click Play on the craps table twice.   Then  open
your  inventory  and  use the toilet paper on the  souvenier  (darker
colored)  dice.  Close your inventory and use the dice on the  table.
You'll  play  craps, win the competition, and wind up in yet  another
woman's  room...playing "Strip Liar's Dice."  And this woman's  name?
Dewmi Moore.  Urrrrghhh...WHY, AL?  WHY?

8.}  This  is  my  least favorite part of the game.   Save  the  game
(remember the old LSL method of winning gambling games...save, if you
win,  save again...and if you lose, restore?  Well, you can't restore
in  this game, but same idea...quit, then start again, restoring your
just  saved game).  Click on the Rules button to learn how  to  play.
This  is  a game of bluffing skill and careful betting (and the  game
tends  to cheat a bit).  However, to minimize your chances of losing,
by  pressing  Ctrl-C  on your keyboard, you can also  see  what's  in
Dewmi's cup.  Just remember...the "bullseyes" are Wild Cards and  can
equal  ANY other die-face needed.  So when counting how many  are  in
both cups, be sure to count bullseyes as WHATEVER number is being bet
on).   Every  time somebody loses a round, they lose either  $100,  a
piece  of clothing, or a die.  This game is an official pain  in  the
butt...especially since in order to win, not only do you have to  get
all  Dewmi's  money,  plus  her shoe, blouse,  skirt,  TWO  earrings,
panties (with the cleverly positioned drink disguising that) AND  all
of  her dice before you win (she drugs you, so she never does get  to
taking  the bra off).  Neat "drug sequence," though...Iron  Butterfly
and  dancing  condoms.  Uhhhh...yeah.  Open your map and  go  to  the
kitchen.  Take the fish wrapped in the magazine.  Take the pot,  then
the  salt.   Open your inventory and read the magazine.   Close  your
inventory,  open  the map, and go to the Lower  Aft  Hold.   Use  the
custodial key to open the door, then use the pot on a beaver  to  get
Venezuelan  Beaver  Milk.  Open the map and  go  to  teh  Proud  Li'l
Seaman's Lounge.  Talk to Johnson and ask about Lime Juice.  Open the
map and go to the Fo'c's'le (Forecastle, vastly shortened).  Take the
kumquats  off  the  sheep-tree.  Open your map and  go  back  to  the
kitchen.

9.}   Use  the beaver milk on the Cheesemaster 2000.  Open  inventory
and  use  the kumquats on the cheese.  Open the map and go  to  Cabin
510.  Take the orgasmic powder (on the table in the rear left of  the
room).  Open inventory and use the powder on the quiche.  Close  your
inventory, open your map and go to the Cook-Off competition.  Use the
quiche  on  the conveyor belt.  Open your map and go to  the  bridge.
Use the screwdriver on the junction box, then use the jumper wire  on
the  junction box.  Click the U-turn button.  Click the up  arrow  on
the  ladder  next  to you.  When the sail unfurls,  choose  the  Look
option  for  the sail.  Use the knife on the sail.  After  the  night
passes  and  you  fall out, open your map and go to  Captain  Queeg's
Ballroom.   Go  through  the  door with  the  Neptune  (or  Poseidon,
whatever)  statue.   Talk to the "Beautiful  Woman"  at  the  drawing
table.   This  one's name?  Jamie Lee Coitus.  I think I'm  going  to
hurt  the  game  designers.  Go through all topics, and  when  you're
done, give her the polyester (from the sail).  Now open your map  and
choose Captain Queeg's Ballroom again.  Click "Open" on the LEFT door
(the  one with the Exit sign over it).  After THAT'S over with,  open
your  map  and  go  to  the  Best  Dressed  Competition.   Unzip  the
mannequin's  fly.   After you win that contest, go to  the  Employees
Only  area  and  go  into  the  room behind  the  lockers.   Use  the
screwdriver  on  the  vent.  When everything goes  black,  sweep  the
cursor to the right, halfway down the screen.  Click every once in  a
while  until  you find "You."  Choose the Undress option.   Take  the
handkerchief that's left.  Open your inventory and use the  KZ  jelly
on the hankie.  Close the inventory, open your map, and go to the aft
hold.

10.}  Open the door of the hopper.  Use the deoderant on the  bowling
pins.  Open the map and go to the bowling competition area.  Use  the
TMT  scorecard  on  the walrus (eww, disgusting!)  Take  the  bowling
ball.   Open  inventory,  and  use the Treated  Handkerchief  on  the
bowling  ball.  Close your inventory, then click Play on the  bowling
lane.  After you win THIS one, open you map and go to the Heavin'  Ho
Restaurant.   There's a door in the back of the  room  (a  WAAAAAYYYs
back) and go through.  Look at the table and chairs...be sure to look
at  the leftmost chair on the side of the table that's closest to the
screen.  Take the folded paper, open inventory, then look at it.  Now
you  find out the mystery woman's name...Anette Boning. (ARRRRRGH!!!)
Close  your  inventory.  Open your map and go to the  purser's  desk.
Talk to Peter Purser about Annette Boning.  Walk over to the courtesy
phone  and  choose  the Call option on it...ask  for  Boning.   After
that's  over,  talk to Peter about your account.  Then  look  at  the
phone on Peter's desk (may have to do it twice, if you do it too fast
the  first time)  When you get the closeup of the phone, push the red
LND  button (Last Number Dialed).  Then open the map and  go  to  the
Owner's  Suite  (new location on second-from-upper  deck.   Open  the
door.   Walk  over  to  the bed and click on  yourself.   Choose  the
Undress button.  Oh...BLECCH!

11.}  Open your map and go back to the owner's suite.  Push  the  red
button  by  the  door.  Talk to Annette about all  available  topics.
When  finished  (and  you  realize you're thinking  about  completely
different things than she is), use the insurance policy on her.   You
wind  up  with  a stock certificate.  Open your map  and  go  to  the
Captain's  Quarters.   Click  on the door,  choose  Other,  and  type
"Knock."   After  the  cut-scene, talk to  the  captain  about  every
available  topic.  Then use the stock certificate on her to  win  the
game...or  do  you?   After all, she winds up  with  the  same  thing
(putting  handcuffs on you, just like Shamara did at the  beginning).
Be sure to watch all the way through the credits, because at the end,
the entire cruise ship gets abducted by aliens.  No.  Seriously.  And
you  get  an  advertisement for the 1998 installment,  "Leisure  Suit
Larry  Explores  Uranus."  You've GOT to  be  kidding  me.   I  hope.
(Actually, earlier in the game, if you click on the unavailable decks
in  the  Atrium,  you get the message "These decks will  be  used  in
Leisure Suit Larry 8: Lust In Space," so maybe they really ARE  going
to  go in that direction...but this SCARES me.)  For now...GAME OVER,
MAN!