General Hints:

    * Turn on "Closed Captioning" by choosing the "Game" menu from the
      top pull-down menus, and select the bottom option, "Closed
      Captioning," or press Ctrl-T. Typed sentences sometimes contain
      clues in capitalized key words which you might not notice with just
      the audio narration.
    * You can't die or get trapped in Leisure Suit Larry 7, so try
      anything you like.
    * Look at each new scene carefully. Explore. Click on anything that
      highlights your cursor. Try all the menu choices. Talk to everyone
      and remember what people say (a notebook is handy). You can often
      use the information later to solve another puzzle.
    * Things do change during the course of the game. New characters may
      appear. Keep looking around.
    * Think creatively. When you get stuck, explore other areas for a


 Q: The bed's on fire! What do I do?
 A: Take the Lil' Hair Weave Kit off the right table. Once it's in your
 inventory, open it to get a needle.

 Q: The needle won't open the cuffs.
 A: Take the Vice Grips from the left table. In your inventory, use the
 Vice Grips on the needle to get a bent needle.

 Q: How do I get out of here?
 A: Click on the patio door. Select OTHER from the list. Type in BREAK.

 PMS Bouncy, Aft Deck

 Q: Who's the scary woman?
 A: Her name's Peggy. She's useful for a few things, particularly
 instructions on how to make an explosive. Ask her about Peg Leg and
 she'll give you a nifty combo for blowing things up.

 Q: What's with the guy?
 A: His name is Rod and he makes balloon "animals." That's about all he's
 good for.

 Q: Is there anything else to do here?
 A: Yep. Take the fire hose--open the fire hose box and take it. Also
 take a kumquat from the sheep's ass.

 Heavin' Ho

 Q: So what do I do here?
 A: Eat everything you possibly can.

 Q: Who's the meat guy?
 A: His name is Wang. Talk to him about everything you can. Be sure you
 eat S'Pork twice; he'll run out to get some more, but will not return.
 This gives you a chance to get the carving knife and the bulb from the
 heat lamp.

 Q: I can't get in the door in back!
 A: You don't need to--yet. Don't worry about it, but remember the door
 is there.


 Q: What's to do in here?
 A: Lots. Here are the things you should keep in mind, though:

    * Take the newspaper the fish is wrapped in. Read it.
    * Take the pot on the left counter.
    * Take the salt behind the pot.
    * Operate the Caviarmaster 2000.
    * Just for points, look at the pink poodle hanging from the ceiling.

 El Replicant Sculpture Garden

 Q: What's to do here?
 A: Look carefully at the statue of Venus (on the right). When zoomed in
 on her foot, take some dice.

 Q: Wups. Now what?
 A: If you leave and come back, Bob Bitt will be gone. Climb the
 scaffolding and grab his screwdriver.

 Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge

 If you paid attention to the announcements, you'll learn about the
 Thygeman Tournament (TMT). Look at your inventory to see what contests
 were selected for you.

 Q: Who's that sexy guy at the bottom of the screen?
 A: He's Johnson. Talk to him. Also get some lime juice from him.

 Employees Only

 Q: How do I get past all the weapons?
 A: Just walk right on past. They won't hurt you.

 Q: How do I get in the door?
 A: Click on the door. Select OTHER, then select OTHER again, and type in

 Q: OK, I'm in. What do I need here?
 A: Read the bulletin board. Take the jackpot preventer/jumper wire off
 the bulletin board. Also get the KZ Brand Jelly from the counter (to the
 left of the sink).

 Q: What can I do with these lockers?
 A: You can try opening them. No luck. If you really want to open them,
 you need information from Peggy.

 Horseshoe Competition

 Q: How do I raise my score at this?
 A: First, you must get lucky with the fabulous Juggs (see specific hints
 on the Juggs). You need their chase lights and remote control. Go to the
 Sculpture Garden, climb Bob's scaffolding and connect the chase lights
 to the spike in the ceiling. Then go to the horseshoes and give the
 centaur your TMT card. When you're about to play, use the remote

 Craps Tournament

 Q: Hey, they won't let me play!
 A: Get everyone to leave. The easiest way to clear the room is to do
 something obnoxious, so go to the Heavin' Ho, eat the bean dip, then
 come back and fart.

 Q: How do I win?
 A: Use the toilet paper from your cabin with the souvenir dice from the
 employees' lounge. Do this in your inventory. You will then have shaved
 dice. Give the croupier your TMT card, then click on the table and use
 the shaved dice.

 Q: Who's the girl?
 A: That's Dewmi Moore. You need to make her happy. For more information,
 read the hints specific to Dewmi.

 Tail Deck Bowling

 Q: Where do I find it?
 A: Click on Tail Deck Bowling on the map, or double-click the event on
 your TMT scorecard.

 Q: How do I start a game?
 A: Click on the walrus-like object and USE your TMT scorecard on it.
 Pick up the bowling ball, then click on the lane and select PLAY.

 Q: My score sucks. How do I get a good score at this?
 A: You need to have been several places and gotten several items to get
 a good score. First, take the can of deodorant which you got from the
 Juggs' room to the Lower Aft. You'll need the key that you got from
 Xqwzts to get in the door. Put the deodorant in the compartment directly
 behind you. Go back to the bowling lane and use the KZ Jelly that you
 got from the Employees' Lounge with the hanky that Mrs. Boning left
 behind. Use the KZ'd hanky on the bowling ball, then play!

 Lovemaster 2000

 Q: How do I get a better score?
 A: First, you need to score with Victorian. Go back to see her again,
 and talk about sex. Then have her Prove It. When you get to the
 Lovemaster, use your TMT card on her, sit back and rack up some points.

 Best Dressed Man

 Q: What do I do here?
 A: Go to the Best Dressed Man competition and click on the robot's
 zipper. Your TMT scorecard will be scanned automatically.

 Q: I got a rotten score!
 A: You need to score with Jamie Lee Coitis first. For more information,
 read the specific hints on Jamie.

 Captain's Cookoff

 Q: What do I need?
 A: You need a recipe. In the kitchen, take the newspaper that is wrapped
 around the fish. Read it.

 Q: Where can I find the ingredients?
 A: The ingredients for Venezuelan Beaver Cheese can be found in the
 following places:

    * Beaver Milk - Go to the Lower Aft to milk a beaver! (You'll need
      the key that Xqwzts left behind to open the Lower Aft door.)
    * A pot - in the kitchen on the left.
    * Salt - behind the pot in the kitchen
    * Lime Juice - get some from Johnson in the Seaman's Lounge
    * Mold - left behind by Drew in your shower.

 Once you have these items, put the Salt in the Cybercheese 2000. If you
 have all the ingredients, they will automatically be thrown in.

 Q: It's still not finished...
 A: You need the secret ingredient. When you're finished with Dewmi, go
 back to her room. Grab the orgasmic powder and use it on your quiche.

 Q: OK, it's done. What now?
 A: Take your creation to the cookoff. Use the Quiche de Larry on the
 conveyor belt in front of the judges.


 Q: Where is this guy?
 A: He's through the faculty break room. You'll need to get through the

 Q: Hey, why won't he give me the dirty pictures he mentioned?
 A: You need to get laid first. See the specific hints on Victorian for
 more information.

 Q: OK, I have the pictures... now what?
 A: Find out what Xqwzts needs. Talk to Peggy; she'll help you.

 Q: I gave him the passport and now he's gone...
 A: Take the custodial key that he left behind. It's hanging on the face
 hook on the left wall. Then use the screwdriver that you got from the
 sculpture garden on the vent on the left wall.

 Q: I'm in the dark. Now what?
 A: Keep clicking around until you find yourself. Undress.

 Annette Boning

 Q: Where is she?
 A: She appears at the Blind Taste Test after Xqwzts leaves and you go
 through the vent. Just watch the video and you'll end up in your cabin.

 Q: Hey, she's gone!
 A: Yes she is. But she left her hanky behind. Pick it up.

 Q: How do I find out more about her?
 A: Go back to the Taste Test room (the mysterious door at the back end
 of the Heavin Ho). Look under one of the chairs for a piece of paper she
 left behind. Grab it and read it.

 Q: How do I find her again?
 A: Go to the lobby and use the white Courtesy Phone. Crank call people.
 Then type in Boning and call them a few times.  After you've called the
 Boning cabin, talk to Pete the Pursor. Ask him about your account. While
 he's gone, look at his phone. Push the red LND button. This will give
 you her room number, and her room will conveniently appear on your map.

 Q: I'm here and it's dark. Now what?
 A: Hop into bed and have fun.

 Q: Anything else?
 A: Go back later and talk to her. Give her the insurance policy that you
 found under the chair in the Taste Test room. Look at what she gives

 The Juggs

 Q: Where are they?
 A: Check the poop deck.

 Q: What do I talk to them about?
 A: Anything and everything. Use any of the new options that pop up.

 Q: When is the show?
 A: It's up to you. You need to talk to them about sex to get the show

 Q: Where'd they go?
 A: They're in the room next to Johnson--the screen below the Proud Lil'
 Seaman Lounge.

 Q: I can't get in there!
 A: Talk to Johnson about Gigantic Erection. When he leaves to make you
 one, run in the door to the left of him.

 Q: OK, I'm in. Now what do I do?
 A: Take the can of deodorant by the mirror on the left side of the
 screen. Can't take it? Click on it and USE the can of Silicone that you
 got from your toilet pipe (cabin 0). Then play with the karaoke machine
 and click on the big red button under it.

 Q: What now?
 A: Leave the room. Deal with Johnson if you have to. Then climb the
 steps next to their room to get to the floor above Johnson. You'll
 notice that the lights are now down (thanks to the big red button.)
 Click on the bulb in the light and take it. Then put in the Heat Lamp
 that you got from the Heavin' Ho. Go back into the Juggs room and click
 the button again. If the show doesn't start, leave the Lounge and come

 Q: I'm back in my room!
 A: Go back to the Lounge and go onstage. Take the chase lights. Then go
 to the left of the stage and take the remote control.

 Victorian Principles

 Q: Where is she?
 A: The library.

 Q: Do I need anything before I go back?
 A: Look at the beaver on the right bookcase. Also take the green book on
 the right bookshelf--you won't keep it, but it gives you points.

 Q: There's stuff I want, but she won't let me take it!
 A: You need to make her turn around. In the Talk menu, select OTHER and
 type in anything for her to search on. She'll turn around for a while
 and you can do what you want. If she turns around before you finish,
 type in something else for her to find.

 Q: Exactly what do I need?
 A: Take the bottle of mucilage from her desk. Take the top book off her
 pile on the left side of the desk. In your inventory, remove the jacket
 from the book and put it on the book you got from Drew. Then put the
 Hercules book with the cover of the book you stole back on Victorian's

 Q: How do I score?
 A: Talk to her about the weather. Enjoy.

 Jamie Lee Coitis

 Q: Where is she?
 A: Jamie is in Captain Queeg's Ballroom.

 Q: What do we talk about?
 A: Everything. Be sure to select OTHER and type LEISURE SUIT.

 Q: What does she want?
 A: Polyester!

 Q: OK, so where can I find some?
 A: Go to the bridge and use the screwdriver (you got it from Bob Bitt in
 the Sculpture Garden) on the fuse box. Then use the jumper wire that you
 got from the Employees Only Lounge on the 2 circuits. This makes the
 sails raise and lower every time there's an announcement over the
 speaker. Climb the ladder next to the fuse box and wait for an
 announcement, then use the carving knife that you got from the Heavin'
 Ho on the sail. Enjoy the video. Then give the polyester to Jamie.

 Q: She's gone now!
 A: Yes, but there's a note on the door to the Ballroom that will tell
 you where she is.

 Drew Baringmore

 Q: Where is she?
 A: Drew is in the clothing-optional pool.

 Q: How do I get in?
 A: Talk to Dick. He will give you a "suit."

 Q: What do we talk about?
 A: Everything. Make sure you talk to her about her book, and about
 Gigantic Erection.

 Q: Do I need anything else?
 A: Read the magazine on the stand. (You need to be backed away from Drew
 to read it.)

 Q: What else does she want?
 A: If you talk to her long enough, she'll want you! But to get her back
 to your room, you'll need to get her clothes. They're in her luggage.
 You will need the custodial key that Xqwzts left behind. Go to the
 Forward Hold and open the door with the key.

 Q: Hey, the ape beat me up!
 A: Deal with it. He beat you up with Drew's luggage. Take it.

 Q: I have the luggage. Now what?
 A: Go back to Drew and talk about luggage.

 Q: How do I get her out of the shower?
 A: Flush the toilet. *heh heh heh*

 Q: The toilet won't flush!
 A: Take the can of silicone out of the pipe under the toilet. Then hook
 up the hose that you got on the Aft Deck to the water pipe near the

 Q: Hey, she left!
 A: Can you blame her? But she left something behind. Leave your cabin
 and come back again to get yourself some mold.

 Dewmi Moore

 NOTE: It's a good idea to save your game before playing Dewmi at Strip
 Liar's Dice.

 Q: Where is she?
 A: Dewmi mysteriously appears after you win the craps tournament.

 Q: What does she want?
 A: She wants to play Strip Liar's Dice.

 Q: How do I win this?
 A: Read the instructions provided in the game, play a hand or two, and
 you should get the picture on how to play. It's really not hard.
 A few hints:

    * Dewmi does bluff, but not all the time. Only challenge if you KNOW
      you have her.
    * She tends to call your bluffs, so unless she's got you backed
      against a wall, try not to bluff.
    * It is reasonably easy to beat her in one game, so don't get
    * When you start losing clothing, don't always buy your die back. You
      can win with only 1 die!
    * Finally, if you just can't take the pressure, CTRL-C will allow you
      to cheat.

 Q: I lost all my money to Dewmi.
 A: Don't worry. If you didn't save your game, go back to the casino and
 play craps again. Then she'll let you play.

 Q: Do I need anything else from Dewmi?
 A: Go back to her room later and take the Orgasmic Powder from the

 Captain Thyge

 Q: Where is she?
 A: In her cabin.

 Q: I can't get in!
 A: You aren't ready. To enter the captain's cabin, you need to have
 scored with all the girls: Drew, Victorian, Jamie Lee, The Juggs, Mrs.
 Boning and Dewmi. You also need to have gotten a perfect score in
 Horseshoes, Craps, Bowling, the Lovemaster 2000, Best Dressed Man and
 the Cookoff. Once you've finished all these things, the intercom guy
 will announce that you've won a week with the Captain.

 Q: She doesn't like me! What do I do?
 A: Money is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Give her the stock bonds you got
 from Mrs. Boning and she's all yours.

 Congratulations; you've won the game!

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